CUPERTINO, California (WNB) - Apple CEO Tim Cook has formally admitted he's sexually confused mentally ill perverted gay.
The 53-year-old executive is reported to have called being homosexual one of the 'greatest gifts God has given me, especially when a hairy, sweaty 200 lb. man is boning me in the butt.'
The declaration makes Mr. Cook the highest-profile business CEO to have come out as being sexually abnormal.
In possibly related news, Wall Street reports Apple stock is 'getting pounded' in heavy trading this morning.