Cities Report Mysterious Drop In Crime
Chicago - Authorities in many eastern cities are reporting a sudden reduction of violent and nonviolent crimes. Among the major cities reporting at least a 75% reduction in crime are Chicago, Cleveland, Philadelphia, New York, Newark, and Detroit.
"We can't explain it," said interim Detroit Police Chief Chester Logan. "It started yesterday and today is even better. Whatever's happening, I hope it continues."
President Obama Taking Oath On Multiple Bibles
WASHINGTON - In a move by the White House to make the President appear "more religious and more black," President Obama is publicly taking the Oath of Office today on two Bibles, the additional one once belonging to Martin Luther King.
MLK historian Tyrone Phelps said King preferred this particular book because of it's padded leather cover, and used it primarily as a "booty pad" under numerous prostitutes and mistresses.
First Lady Wows Fashion World With New Hairstyle
WASHINGTON - The fashion world is agog over first lady Michelle Obama's daring new hairstyle featuring longer bangs.
"Eet ees so fobulous I con even tell you. Meeshell has never looked better," proclaimed well known fashionista, Bobbi Starr.
Sudden Crime Wave Strikes Nation's Capitol
WASHINGTON - Metropolitan Police are scrambling to respond to a sudden avalanche of crimes occuring in the capitol, including homicides, rapes, robberies, carjackings, and drug offences.
"We can't explain it, things just exploded in the last day or two, and it's getting worse," said MPDC Police Chief Cathy Lanier.
Compounding the police department's heavy case load is today's presidential inauguration and observance of Martin Luther King Day.