Big Hairy News

Obama Accidentally Voted For Romney?

CHICAGO (BHN) - According to a Chicago poll worker, President Obama accidentally voted for Mitt Romney Thursday, using a touchscreen machine.

"I think he (Obama) got a little confused, and entered his vote for Romney," said the poll worker. "He called me over to help, but it was all messed up. I told him we'd have to cancel it out and start over but with all the cameras there, I guess he decided to just let it ride - I thought it was kind of funny."

An Obama campaign spokesperson had no comment concerning the report, but did say the ballot was "unusually complicated."

 

President Obama struggles to vote, accidentally picks Mitt Romney

Obama: My Koran Apology Calmed Things Down

FANTASY LAND (BHN) - President Obama said his tearful formal apology to Afghan President Hamid Karzai for the burning of Korans by U.S. troops last week diffused the situation and "calmed things down." Later, two more American servicemen in Afghanistan were murdered in cold blood, bringing the number of innocent U.S. troops assassinated to six.

"It would have been much worse." Obama said in an ABC News interview, "The Muslims originally wanted to sodomize our male servicemen while decapitating them with pocket knives, now they're just shooting them in the back of the head. The apology clearly worked."

The White House has assured Karzai that the Obama administration would do everything possible to curb disrespect to Islam, the Prophet Muhummad, and the Koran, both domestically and abroad.

My comments: What a shame Barry didn't go over there and apologize personally! I would have chipped in for gas!

 

 Inappropriate according to White House

 "Pig Muhammad With Love Doll" - artist unknown

 

Urinating Troops: Obama Administration Outraged, Taliban Indifferent

BIG HAIRY NEWS - The recently released video showing several U.S. troops urinating on three dead Taliban soldiers has created a firestorm of condemnation - from the Obama administration.

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta telephoned Afghan President Hamid Karzai to profusely apologize and pledge that U.S. military personal will no longer be allowed to urinate in his country.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the White House also expressed remorse. "These uncivilized barbarians will be identified and punished for the disrespect they showed the brave freedom fighters," she said. "If we could, both President Obama and myself would gladly urinate on these infidels, in an attempt to reverse this grievous wrong."

When shown the video a Taliban spokesman said, "Who cares, they're dead. You should see what we do to you guys."

My comments: It's a sad day when you have to go to the freaking Taliban for clarity... 

 

Panetta: No more urinating in Afghanistan. Clinton: President and I would urinate on offending troops

Chavez Wonders If U.S. Gave Him Cancer, Stupidity

CARACAS, Venezuela (BHN) - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is questioning whether the United States may have given him, as well as some fellow leaders in the region, cancer and other disorders.

Chavez, who accidentally lost his penis during surgery in Cuba to remove a pelvic tumor, said in a recent address to the military, "It’s very difficult to explain what has been happening to some of us in Latin America. What could suddenly give us cancer, or make me a bumbling retard? I was real smart when I was younger."

Thomas Mittnacht, press director at the U.S. embassy in Caracas, when reached by telephone said that Chavez was "born stupid," and the cancer was "simply an act of God, not the United States government."

My comments: I'm surprised Hugo didn't blame us for making him fat and ugly, also!

 

Hugo Chavez (file photo)