WORLD NEWS BUREAU - Today's top stories:
Radio One Bans Madonna
Pop radio powerhouse Radio One has dropped Madonna from their playlist citing the fact the Material Girl is "too old and irrelevant" for their young listeners. "Besides the fact she looks like a veiny chicken bone and possesses no discernable talent, our average listener simply isn't into their great grandmother prancing around dressed like a slut and singing about having sex. Hell, Nobody is," said a radio executive.
White House Issues Statement On Beheadings
The Obama White House released a strongly worded statement Sunday condemning the killing of 21 Egyptian Coptic Christians by Islamic jihadists in Libya:
The United States condemns the despicable and cowardly random murder of 21 Egyptian citizens in Libya by unknown assailants. This wanton killing of innocents is just the most recent of the many vicious acts largely precipitated by an increasingly unstable climate, primarily caused by man-made emissions. The United States urges the nations of the world to join in combating this imminent threat to all of mankind.
Al Sharpton Poses With Palin
The "Reverend" Al Sharpton managed to get next to Sarah Palin for a photograph on the red carpet at last night's Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary special. Sources said the human bobble head sidled up to Palin as she was being interviewed and was photographed apparently rubbing himself against her thigh. Afterward, Palin was seen attempting to remove a stain from her dress and looking for her purse.
FLOTUS To Vacation In Japan
Japanese newspaper Asahin Shimbun has reported that Michelle Obama and daughters Mihalik and Sasher will be visiting Tokyo and Kyoto in several weeks. The First Lady's physical stature coupled with traditional Japanese behavior is prompting local officials to educate citizens in those cities in hopes of preventing mass hysteria and the possible stampeding in streets. "Hory smoke, it rike Godzirra with bigger ass," said one frightened Kyoto housewife after being shown a photo of Mrs. Obama in yoga pants.