Edwards Attacks!
HANOVER, New Hampshire - Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards, a distant third place in most national polls and needing a breakthrough performance, led a blistering attack against Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) at Wednesday's Democrat debate on the campus of Dartmouth College.
Drawing on his skills as an accomplished personal injury attorney, Edwards accused Clinton of "deliberately facilitating a war that causes cruel and unnecessary physical and emotional distress on innocent individuals on both sides of the conflict." He then demanded Clinton pay one billion dollars "to cover the aforementioned pain and suffering plus reasonable legal expenses."
Sen. Clinton responded by grabbing her crotch and saying, "I've got your legal expenses right here, ambulance-chasing girly-boy," to peels of laughter from the audience and fellow candidate Barack Obama (D-IL).
Edwards than rushed Clinton, nearly trampling the diminutive Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) in the process, before security staff were able to pull him away. After a brief intermission the debate resumed without Edwards, who was reportedly seen in the restroom feverishly working on his disheveled hair.
Commentary: Hillary showed who's got the stones with her vicious slap-down of Edwards. It's clearly over for him.
Edwards attacks Clinton
HA
Correct me if I'm wrong but your story seems to indicate that Chicago is giving free colonoscopies to all it's citizens. It's a good thing mental health wasn't their focus or frontal lobotomies might have been the order of the day, but I guess that's already been done in San Francisco.
Anyways, great story.
Syncro
p.s. As daddy always said....I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Posted by:syncrodox | September 28, 2007 at 08:09 AM
No body, and I mean nobody, ever made up stories,no I mean did stories like I did.One story about crappy national guards and look what happened. My advice to you youngsters is make sure you know the frequency. Courage.
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Scooter: Only Kenneth knows the frequency, Dan. Courage.
Scooter peace out.
Posted by:Dan Rather | September 27, 2007 at 09:38 PM
Chicago Video Surveillance Gets Smarter
Reported by HygeneAl
CHICAGO (AP) - A car circles a high-rise three times. Someone leaves a backpack in a park. Such things go unnoticed in big cities every day. But that could change in Chicago with a new video surveillance system that would recognize such anomalies and alert authorities to take a closer look.
On Thursday, the city and IBM Corp. are announcing the initial phase of what officials say could be the most advanced video security network in any U.S. city. The City of Broad Shoulders is getting eyes in the back of its head. But the surveillance proposal certainly doesn’t stop there, presently there is legislation that will required every Chicagoan to have a camera strapped up his or her anus 24 hours a day. This has caused some consternation and complaints among taxpayers here and promises to cause some constipation among older adults. The gay population within the city limits has been the only section of the citizenry that has embraced the proposal. In fact, if passed numerous members of queer nation throughout the northwest has hinted they will move there, “just for the experience”.
When asked for the purpose of the anus cameras, one Democrat politician said, “We’re just trying to prepare the citizenry for a Hillary Clinton Presidency. If we can get the people to accept a camera up their butt, they won’t complain so loudly when Hillary rams a shaft up it.” The proposal hasn’t passed yet, but there is little opposition.
HA Cub Reporter, kicking butt and keeping it real.
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Scooter: Excellent story, cub reporter HA. Anal cameras are something everyone can relate to, and your story really jams that fact home.
One small suggestion, remember to remove the "AP" (or "Reuters") header in your opening line - I do.
Nice work, rookie.
Scooter peace out.
PS: Quit sitting on your ass, get out there and get me a story, dammit! (Sorry for the salty 'editor language')
Posted by:HygeneAl | September 27, 2007 at 06:50 PM
Glad to see you finaly figured out how to use a dictionary Scooter.
Look up "soap" and "bath" next and try those out.
__________
Scooter: Hey, when I'm out with Lindsey and Britney they don't seem to have problem with my freshness, maybe because fresh is what I'm all about.
Scooter peace out.
Posted by:1sttofight | September 27, 2007 at 11:13 AM
Are you saying that she wears her strapon full time now?
Sure gives new meaning to the old motto, "Always Prepared".
BTW, why are you always giving your 4 posters a hard time about when they post? Ever heard of different time zones, you idjit?
_________________
Scooter: There is only one time zone that is pertinent, and that is mine.
Scooter peace out.
PS: I'm sorry, lest your head explode, 'pertinent' means meaningful.
Posted by:1sttofight | September 27, 2007 at 10:43 AM