Okay, I can't turn on the TV or a radio without hearing about how this apocalyptic Swine Flu plague has wiped out the last few Mexicans who haven't already moved to the U.S. or been killed by drug cartels, and now threatens to anilate aniela annila kill the crap out of us.
It goes without saying this disease scares me, as there's so many things I still want to do in my life, like scrapbooking and dating hot chicks.
I turned to my good friend Pepe, as (a) he's a Mexican and no stranger to diseases, and (b) he one night "dated" a stripper that used to be a nurse so obviously knows something about medical safeguards against disease. Here's what he told me to do:
- Stay away from Mexicans. This strategy failed, as he was like 2 feet from me when he said it.
- Don't go to Mexico. Gladly.
- Don't kiss anyone who's coughing or looks sick. Unfortunately this meant curtains for my relationship with Fran Vutti, as she's never looked that healthy (what's with all the scabs?) and usually smells like a Mexico City subway seat.
- Wear a mask. I didn't have a mask so I made one out of some old underwear that I soaked in Lysol disinfectant. It made me sick after a while so I only wear it while awake.
- Stay away from pigs that haven't been disinfected or thoroughly cooked. I do that anyway.
One thing I've been noticing lately is that there are Mexicans FREAKING EVERYWHERE, and probably the only safe place is somewhere like North Dakota where they don't have landscapers. If things get worse, I'm heading that direction.
Wearing my flu mask and watching for Mexicans
Click Pic, dummy
