WASHINGTON (SR) - Hello, this is Scooter Van Neuter reporting from the Scooter's Report Election Central Command located in Washington DC. Throughout the day our seasoned staff of political reporters and analysts will be bringing you the latest up-to-the-minute results in the 2010 midterm elections. Thank you for joining us.
Let's get started by checking on the latest returns for the Senate race in Florida: We've received confirmation that people are voting right now in Florida, but nobody's won yet. Our hunch is that Mark Rubio will probably win, so that's how we're calling this one. Mark Rubio wins.
Switching to the hotly contested Senate race in Nevada between that woman and Harry Reid: Nobody was answering the phone at the voting place we called, so we are calling this race close, but undecided.
Now turning our focus to the House, we check in on the Massachusetts District 4 race between incumbent Barney Frank, and some regular guy who does not have butt sex with other men: Judging by how fruity most people are in that area, we're calling this race in favor of Frank. Barney Frank wins.
Now to the governor's race between Arizona's Jan Brewer and that dorky-looking guy with glasses: We don't have time to check on this one right now, but we strongly favor what Jan did with that anti-Mexican immigration thing, so we're calling this one for Brewer. Jan Brewer wins.
In the hotly contested California governor's race between that old hippie guy and that frumpy Ebay woman, our latest numbers indicate Californians prefer hippies to business people 3 - 1. We're calling this a landslide victory for the hippie. Hippie wins.
Going to Alaska now, we check in on the well-publicized Senate race between write-in candidate Merkatawowski and other people. It's obvious nobody can spell Merdelbowtski so one of the other candidates will win this. Winner: Somebody else.
We're going to get some breakfast now, so let's wrap this up:
2010 Midterm Elections Final Results
Senate - Some Republicans, some Democrats
House - Lots of Republicans with some Democrats
Governors - Republicans and Democrats (I didn't have time to count).
That pretty much wraps up Election 2010. Thank you for again making Scooter's Report America's number one site for political news and commentary. Good night.
Scooter's Report Election Central Command