Scooter's Report

First Lady Wears Old Dress, Scares Children

WASHINGTON (SR) - In a daring move being lauded by fashionistas worldwide, First Lady Michelle Obama wore an old, used "thrift store" dress to the Washington Christmas party last night.

The black dress, valued at over $2,500, beautifully accentuated Michelle's nearly eight-foot frame, but unfortunately the smell of decay coupled with the First Lady's intimidating stature terrified some children at the event. Five of the young children suffered shock and trauma after being approached by Mrs. Obama, and had to be transported to an area hospital where they were treated and later released.

"In that creepy black outfit she (Obama) looked like the "Angel of Death' or something, and I guess that scared some of the little ones," said one witness at the event. "I have to admit, even I nearly crapped my pants when she walked in."

My comments: Good grief, Halloween was months ago! Next time spend some real money and buy something Christmas-y, pinhead!

Bill Clinton Back In The White House

WASHINGTON (SR) - Amid chaos and increasingly virulent attacks from his own party, President Barack Obama brought in ex-President Bill Clinton to run the show while he takes time off to relax and regroup.

Obama is turning to Clinton to calm fellow Democrats who have become incensed at the administration's decision to maintain the Bush tax cuts, and bring the two parties together as Clinton successfully did during his presidency.

According to White House sources, the former President has been spending most of his time with First Lady Michelle, reportedly working on a new color scheme for the back hallway outside the oval office. "They've been back there a lot, I'm sure the results will be spectacular," said one staff member.

My comments: It's probably not too early to call in Stanley Steemer and a good dry cleaner!

Bill Clinton picks up where he left off at White House

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Obama Makes Surprise Visit to Afghanistan

Is it too late to scatter some shoulder-fired ground-to-air rocket launchers next to the airport?

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Unemployment up to 9.8%

Wow, Barry and Joe's "Recovery Summer" segued directly into "Relapse Winter" - nice job! Hey, I know what would help, let's raise taxes on business owners!

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Boehner: Dems Need to Stop Wasting Time on Tax Hikes

Can you believe somebody actually has to tell these retard Democrats that maybe right now isn't the best time to hike taxes on business owners?

Mouth-breathers like Harry Reid are absolutely determined to carry out their class warfare, even if it means wrecking what's left of our economy. Whoever voted this pinhead back into office needs to be neutered (preferably with a rusty butter knife) before they multiply.

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Release Date Set For "The Beaver" With Mel Gibson

Holy cow, I hope he doesn't curse the Beave or smack the crap out of June!

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New Major News Outlet Unmitigated Failure

It's simply unbelievable that site isn't one of America's favorites yet. Word is that it's huge over in France, proving again that Americans have no style or taste.

President Obama visits Afghanistan