July 8, 2009
Los Angeles, California
As I've mentioned before, Scooter absolutely idolized Michael Jackson. Yesterday Pepe and myself went with Scooter to the Staples Center so we could keep an eye on our friend as he paid his last respects to his hero. Not having any tickets to the service itself, I figured we'd all just kind of stand around outside, drink margaritas, and listen to M.J. songs with all the other unemployed losers fans.
Up to a point, that's exactly what we did. Pepe and I played cards, drank margaritas, and watched with amusement as a drunken Scooter repeatedly sang "Billy Jean" and moonwalked up and down the sidewalk, running into numerous bystanders and not a few street signs. We both agreed he looked more like a crippled zombie reversing through a sea of snot than Michael Jackson dancing, but he was into it.
Just before the service started, Scooter unexpectedly left with a security guard who stopped by. Not more than 15 minutes later, he suddenly came tearing through the crowd and ducked into the back of our minivan just ahead of what looked like the entire L.A.P.D.(!) After the last cop ran by, I jumped into the van to see what was going on, although I wasn't so sure I wanted to know.
It seems for $200 and a used car stereo, Pepe's cousin Juan, a Staples Center security officer, agreed to get Scooter into the backstage secure room where M.J.'s gold casket was temporarily stored just before the service. Scooter's plan was to take a photo of his beloved idol so he could have a personal memento to cherish forever, or at least for a few days until he could sell it for millions and retire to Tahiti.
Unfortunately the whole scheme was for naught, as Scooter couldn't hold up the heavy gold-plated lid with one hand, and he dropped it before he could press the button on his cell phone camera. Scooter's ensuing scream brought the police, and he was damned lucky to get away. The good news is we later found Scooter had inadvertently come away with something way better than a photo of a skinny white woman. Way, way better.
Thanks to Scooter's lack of muscle and Motorola flip phone, we're one eBay auction away from the good life:)
Jackpot! Scooter cops Michael Jackson's nose with his cellphone