Fowl Leftovers

November 26, 2005

Berkeley, California

What a week this was!

Several of us decided to spend Thanksgiving in peaceful protest against military recruitment in schools. We chose to picket the local army recruitment center located several blocks from my house.

Our plan was to alternate between singing protest songs, lying around like we were dead, praying and chanting, exposing our breasts and genitals for peace, and harassing appealing to those going in.

Thursday morning we got together in the parking lot in front of the center and put up some cool protest posters including a personally autographed one of Our Venerated Mother Of Perpetual Peace And Publicity Sheehan (OVMOPPAPS). In honor of the holiday, someone brought a small turkey, some dressing, fruit salad, delicious pumpkin pie, and several bottles of wine for us to enjoy while we worked.

After smoking a few doobies, we sang a rousing protest song just so the army guys would know we were there. One vicious looking baby killer soldier stared through the window at us in an especially menacing manner that seemed to say, "I would love to torture you by taking photographs of you all stacked naked on the floor." I flipped him off while displaying my breasts for peace. He quickly retreated from the window.

We ate, drank, sang protest songs, threw blood (actually a packet of McDonald's ketchup) on the front door and even managed to run off a young girl heading for the building. The part where we all lay around like we were dead was a big crowd-pleaser although several of us picked up some pretty bad grease stains from the parking lot.

For the most part, things were going pretty good. Oh, that the rest of the day could have been so pleasant.

When the guy who had been giving us the hairy eyeballs came out to wipe the ketchup off the door, my friend Randy grabbed the closest thing he could lay hands on and threw it at him. The eight-pound Butterball caught GI Joe square in the face and sent his sunglasses flying down the sidewalk!

The only memory I have of the horrific events that followed are that of Randy screaming like a little girl as we rushed him to the nearest hospital emergency room. Once there, the ER technicians worked feverishly to save him. Thankfully, with the exception of one drumstick lodged sideways in his colon, they were able to remove most of the turkey. Surgery to retrieve the drumstick is scheduled for Monday and if it goes well, they say he should fully recover.

A weird side effect of this whole deal is that even two days later we still get the munchies every time he breaks wind.

How long will this administration be allowed to torture innocent civilians like Randy?

How long?

      

Comments

[kevin]

I can't believe you consumed the flesh of a murdered turkey-American in celebration of a holiday commemorating the duping of naive, egalitarian Native Americans into helping the forebears of future White Male Oppressors. What were you thinking?

P. Moonbeam: I was hungry I guess. Sorry.

[PA]

You all are the biggest bunch of pussies ever. If I were there I would have punched you square in the face, then faught through the rest of you pussys to get into the recruting office, as if you would have put up much of a fight. you seem to not realize we have to have soldiers fighting overseas to protect our rights, including your all right ot protest. You are pretty stupid if you think stopping recruting will help the liberal cause. You al will just end up turingin our county into a country of fags, hippies and pussies, and we will be takin over by the first nation that feels like it. You dont understand that most countrys (and terrosrists) wont stop attacking because we say "sorry", and "we dont want to fight" and you people are the reason that we are being attacked anyway. The muslim extremests hate not only the fact that we a a succesful country (that part of the conservatives fault) but they also hate the abortions, and most of all GAy marrige. They find that stuff very offensive, and just plain wrong. They thnk we are some kind of wierd evil country because of YOU ALL. The rest of the world sees it, well maybe not France, why cant you all just exept it.

[AcademicElephant]

Good luck with that drumstick thing. Peace IS patriotic, but does it have to hurt????

[web_loafer]

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Gosh, it feels good to laugh.
I am going to try to direct some more traffic your way.

[Violence Worker]

Great Stuff! I'm hooked!

VW

[rightwingprof]

Your stuff is painfully hysterical. Love it.