March 31, 2006
Los Angeles, California
This week Scooter and I were glad to lend our support to the immigrant community in their protest against proposed hateful neo-con legislation. My good friend Pepe invited Scooter and me to march with these poor people who are only seeking jobs and the opportunity to contribute to our society. Wherever you find social injustice, we're there.
We all met up at Pepe's house and prepared for the march by sampling several gigantic joints of tasty herb. He must have had a couple hundred pounds of the stuff in the garage and it was extremely moist and delicious. Afterward, Pepe took us by his uncle's restaurant and we pigged out on chimichangas and Coronas till we were almost ready to spew. We headed off to the march, eager to show the "man" that he can't abuse the rights of the underclass, nor reduce the ranks of the Democratic voting bloc.
Arriving downtown, we parked the car and joined the thousands of people in the streets. Scooter had made us signs that said, "Republicanos El Sucko." Also, in order to meet a personal need, he cleverly wrote on the back of his sign, "Yard man wanted" with a crude drawing of a stick figure pushing a lawn mower underneath, in case nobody understood English. This was a stroke of genius, as he ended up not only hiring several yard guys who could also do cement block work and painting, but also a real pretty massage girl/driver/car washer, and an elderly-but-spry maid/cook/house cleaner/dog groomer, all for only one dollar an hour each! Now that's value!
All in all, the protest was a great success, as every white person we saw appeared to be terrified. Outside of Scooter being robbed at knifepoint, we had a lot of fun and met many new friends. Even though none of them spoke English, we still enjoyed their company, not to mention a fair amount of the freshest weed we've ever smoked. The only downside of the whole thing was someone stole the wheels and radio from Scooter's car, and we had to take the bus home, but other than that, it was a great day.
April 1, 2006
I AM SORRY!
I apologize for the cultural insensitivity and crass stereotypes I have employed in these stories. It was never my intent to offend ANYONE, and to all who have been offended, I'm very, very, very sorry.
I believe I owe a special apology to my Hispanic undocumented brothers and sisters for the cruel way I portrayed them in this week's story, "Viva la Protest." My suggestion that they are drug smugglers and thieves was simply wrong and inexcusable and I deeply regret it.
To Hollywood and especially the gay community, I am so very sorry for the unkind way I portrayed you. I love going to movies, and have many gay friends who are just swell.
Another area where I may have offended a group of individuals was my mocking characterizations of people of Middle Eastern descent, especially those of the Islamic faith. Unfortunately, these characterizations are true, so I can't really apologize for that.
In summary, if you have been offended by anything you have read in "The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles," I'm sorry, and I promise I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. Ever.
Not. April Fools. Bite me.