Capitol Crime

April 7, 2006

Washington DC

The other night Scooter and I were watching the show "Black. White." where they make up people to look like the opposite race and then follow them around to see what happens. We were talking about the horrific racial violence inflicted upon Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney by that Capitol Hill cop and agreed it would be cool to "become" black and be filmed while white authority figures, employed by this administration, abused us. Combined with the McKinney case, this could be a rallying point for all Americans to hate the Republicans for their racial brutality. This was too good to pass up, so we decided to do it.

After careful deliberation we decided Scooter would make a better black person than me because he's part African American (his nephew's dad is black). I bought some theatrical makeup and a wig and we went to work transforming Scooter into "Scatman." Luckily, I had Tivo'd some of the "Black.White." shows so we had an excellent guide as how to apply the makeup. Thanks to Scooter's formal art training, we were able to change his appearance so completely, his cat attacked him in the kitchen. Convincing!

We went to the Capitol Building, because we knew from the McKinney case that the cops there were brutal and hated black people. I stayed back and started filming with my small Sony camcorder shooting through a hole in my purse. On cue, Scatman headed for the metal detectors, then, as planned, attempted to walk around them. Sure enough, even though Scatman had done nothing threatening, a burly cop jumped in front of him and sternly told him he had to go through the detector! At this point Scooter was supposed to turn to the camera and loudly yell "HELP! RACIAL ABUSE!" but instead, evidently caught up in the moment, he whacked the cop in the face with his pimp cane. Oh crap, not good.

I think with careful editing we might be able to still use the footage to cast the current administration in a negative light. Jesse Jackson's people said they would edit it themselves if we could keep Scatman's real identity secret. As for Scooter, well, he was severely beaten with flashlights and Tasered a couple of times, but luckily they never caught on to the fact he wasn't black, outside of the fact he was squealing like a little white girl while getting beaten. Somebody said Harry Belafonte volunteered to do a voiceover in post-production - problem solved!

Republicans, you're going down.

Thanks sucka to Point Five Canival Of Comedy  (Only the best Carnival ever)

Comments

[DohXs]

You got it on film.A sure oscar for best makeup.

[Share Earth]

I'm not sure that I don't detect more than a hint of sarcasm in this post, Ms. Moonbeam.

No one can know what Ms McKinney has gone through as a proud black woman named Cynthia McKinney.

There are proud people, there are black people, there are women, there are even proud black women, but only Cynthia McKinney can tell us if she was actually the victim of a patriarchal racist police state Bush goon.

Ha!

I'm Share!

[Carol]

That's doggoned funny! Thanks for a good laugh this morning. It was so predictable when I saw Harry Bellafonte standing behind McKinney during one of her "press conferences".

[Violence Worker]

I just saw the picture of Cynthia McNinniy on the top left! Dang Peace, you're hysterical!

VW

[Violence Worker]

My wife and I have an adopted black daughter. That makes us African Americans too! I never thought of it that way! I'm a minority! I've achieved the American Dream!

VW

[tblubrd]

I don't get it. Why would anyone want to hurt someone like Scooter - I know he's just dressed up and all, but jeez he looks so cool. It's those brutal cops again - Republicans will stop at nothing to generate conflict. Next thing you know, they'll want to invade places like Birmingham (again).
Btw, you..uhh,.. look pretty nice with your..uhh..tan.

[Patrick Joubert Conlon]

You should euthanize Scooter's racist cat.

[Dane Bramage]

May I be the first to say how utterly attractive you look, as a black chick! You may want to consider making the change permanent. Think of all the societal doors that would close that you could open that were closed ...er you know what I mean. But be careful! You could become every African American Republican's dream girl. A black chick that's really a white chick. There's the stuff of dreams.

[Dr. Phat Tony]

Maybe the capital police just dislike bling and bad suits.