Starving For Attention

July 7, 2006

Washington DC

I'm very weak but will try to do my best to fill you in on this week's activities. As you may have heard, Peace Mother Sheehan (PMS), as well as the biggest and brightest stars in media and politics, gathered in front of the White House to fast for an end to the Iraq war. Among those in attendance were Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, and the Reverend Al Sharpton. I knew there was no way I could sit at home while these brave patriots were starving to death, so Scooter and I flew to Washington and joined them.

How wonderful it was to hook up again with Cindy! Although perhaps a little pastier and "horsier" than the last time I saw her, she nevertheless seemed energized as ever to stop this hopeless war. Monday night we prepared for the fast with peace songs, chanting, smoking herb, playing bongos, exposing our breasts and genitals for peace, and finally, a gigantic Mexican dinner thoughtfully provided by Brother Sharpton. Afterward we did bong hits until bedtime, then rested for the daunting challenge ahead.

On the Fourth we awoke to the sounds of a large press contingent setting up to report our dramatic self-sacrifice for peace. It was just like the "old days" last year when Cindy was the darling of the mainstream media. Just being surrounded by the likes of Sean and Susan made us feel invincible, and we knew this time we were bringing the troops home, no matter how many Iraqis had to die in the aftermath. Many well-wishers had also gathered, and their words of encouragement helped us through the day.

While flag-waving imbeciles shot off fireworks Tuesday night, we gathered together to sing protest songs, followed by the always dramatic "Lying Around Like We're Dead." A nice added touch to this powerful "street theater" was Scooter, wearing his George Bush mask, dancing over our bodies while laughing maniacally - that is until he accidentally stepped on Sean Penn's nuts. Penn, probably irritable from extreme hunger, beat Scooter viciously with his large peace symbol necklace until several of us pulled him off. The rest of the night was uneventful and the very picture of non-violence and harmony.

It's now been several days and some of us must be close to death. Although our spirits are strong, the lack of food is taking its toll on our bodies. Our leader, Peace Mother Sheehan, is probably suffering the most, having lost over three pounds, and now looks almost exactly like Sea Biscuit. I thought I could see my own ribs sticking out but later realized it was just the hash pipe in my pocket. Probably the only one of us who has held up well is Reverend Al, as he's remained effervescent as always. When he rolled over last night I could see why: he had Hot Pockets sewn into the inside lining of his suit coat, and a big bag of Gummi Bears tucked into his slacks. I agreed not to tell Cindy in exchange for two pizza Hot Pockets and $100 cash. Hey, I'm no idiot.

More later.

 

Comments

[Adolph from Cuba]

Are you trying to push a new weightloss scheme, for crying out loud? If so, you might as well label it after the Mother of Perperual Fight Against America Sheenan!!
What about "Cindy Beach Weightloss Spree", or maybe "Antiwar Size Dwindling", sort of $hit!!

Take care bunny, don't starve too long!!

[John the Marine]

What the Hell is all this hunger strike crap? You do realise that if you stop the war it will have a negative effect on the USMC. With out a war there will be no more wanton killing... No more peaceful villages to torch... No, more gentle indignous types to slaughter! Now as a loyal Marine I've decided to take counter measures against your evil Leftwing plot. I've called KFC and they're sending a family size bucket of fried chicken with a hidden FOX News camera inside over to Rev. Al. He maybe able to control himself with hot pockets (eating them on the sly unnoticed and buying off hippies) but fried chicken is a different story. When he goes for it we'll spring the trap and put it on the news. When everyone sees Sharpton macking on the chicken the pretense of your fast will be exposed and the killing fields preserved. Sorry, to do it to ya Peace... But it is either you or the Corps!

Peace M: Fried chicken isn't playing fair. We will consider this act of provocation war.

[jarhead john]

OK, it's official: You need to seek professional help. I come back from vacation to read this? Sheesh.

Peace M: Welcome back from vacation. I do need help and can get it if you send me $5,000.00 as soon as possible. I'm waiting.

[TrustOnlyMulder]

Jeepers Peace, you went on a hunger strike and were doing bong hits and had a hashpipe in your pocket????

It's no wonder you gobbled down them hot pockets!!!

Rule number one. On a hunger strike, drop the THC and bring the speed.

Great post ... as usual!

PM: I just couldn't help myself. Also, I think Scooter has been a very bad influence.
Thank you for the nice comments!

[tblubrd]

Please be careful, Peace. I've heard that you can catch gonorrea from fasting too much. Really. It was on Democratic Underground. I'm almost positive they're right.

[Gayle]

ROTFALMAO! You have nailed her, Peace! Please tell Scooter to watch where he is stepping next time. Stepping on Sean's Penns nuts could cause brain damaged as that where his brains are obviously located. Then again, that's not such a bad idea after all! I absolutely love that last pic. LOL!

PM: Thanks Gayle, you're too kind.

[beth]

ROFL! I thought it was a 'Rolling Fast' just fasting one day and then passing the fast to another person. We wouldn't want anyone having to suffer for very long.

What's the world coming to when even the peace niks aren't willing to make sacrifices these days!

[webloafer]

Your willingness to sacrifice for your nation will not go unnoticed, unless you turn sideways.....lol

I am going to encourage people to go on reverse diets. To eat until they explode.....gorge for peace.....that would seem to be a better way to go.