Kareem Bakr Gilad

August 25, 2006

Berkeley, California

I knew this week was going to suck when Scooter came by Monday morning wearing a ridiculous fake beard, nightshirt, weird little hat, carrying a Quran, and asking to be called "Kareem Bakr Gilad." Oh great, Scooter had become a Muslim! Evidently after doing a bunch of mushrooms with Pepe Saturday night, he'd had an epiphany that his life was meaningless - something frankly I would have to agree with. According to Scooter/Kareem, after Pepe left he was watching a CNN news story about the Middle East which showed Muslims whipping themselves bloody in a religious frenzy , and he knew then that Islam was the key to his fulfillment.

Scooter said that night he dreamt that a glowing figure resembling the genie in the movie "Aladdin" told him to turn away from the sins of this modern life. He instructed him to change his name, grow out his beard, avoid soap and perfumes, memorize the Quran, pray towards Mecca five times a day, and kill Jews. By Monday Kareem was doing all the above except he hadn't killed any Jews yet, but had successfully developed a strong dislike for Yiddish and those little caps. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

Right in the middle of explaining to me why he had to wear the fake beard (he can't grow facial hair), Kareem's watch started beeping, he grabbed an old door mat out of his bag, and after carefully aligning it on the floor, fell on his knees and started rocking back and forth while wailing a tune and words that I later determined to be the Macarena. I'm no expert on Islam but I do know Muslims are supposed to pray toward Mecca, and when I asked him why he was praying toward Tokyo, he said he was just "going the other way around the world" which actually made sense to me. All in all, Kareem's worshiping was just bizarre, and his loud and frequent farting while doing so could only have lessened his effectiveness at communicating with any deity you'd really want to know.

Outside of his poor personal hygiene, moronic outfit, and referring to me as an infidel, I'm almost getting used to Scooter being a Muslim. Something I'm not getting used to are his new friends, though they did thankfully enlighten Scooter to the fact the name he chose means "Exalted Young Camel Hump." Anyway, a more surly group of young men I've never met, and their endless fascination with airplanes and virgins gives me the willies.

I sure hope this is just a phase Scooter's going through.

 

Comments

[Seaspook]

Peace,

When Scooter starts wearing a vest with a bunch of cylinderical objects in it, run like hell!

P. Moonbeam: Fortunately Kareem/Scooter isn't that brave, but he isn't above having others do his dirty work...

[1sttofight]

Peace, Honey you are going to have to come back home, at least for a couple of months. I am having to homeschool the kids since that unfortunate school fire which they blamed Nonukes for starting without any evidence at all except for the singed hair, can of gasoline and box of matches he was carrying out of the building. Now they are wanting me to pay for the damages, mostly smoke, But Honey I have to get the crop in and I cant do them both. I need you to watch the hoodlums, arsonist, theives, drunks children while I try to salvage the crop. It is already budding so I have to move soon, besides the damn law helicopters keep moving closer everyday.

Please say yes Peace, and I swear that kinky stuff I tried to make you do was just the liquor talking, I will try not to do that again, besides the ceiling fan is not working anymore anyway.

Let me know and I will have a bus ticket on the way.

PS, My cousin Leroy is in jail so you dont have to worry about him looking in the windows anymore.

P. Moonbeam: How can you ask me to come back to a place where innocent children are persecuted for the sins of society? That's the whole reason I moved to Berkeley in the first place (that, the outstanding warrants, and you and your mother of course).
I'm finally happy and doing something with my life now, I wish you could just accept it and get on with your life.

PS: Nonuke's father is LeRoy, but I think you already knew that. If you didn't, I'm sorry.

[David Amulet]

Scooter/Kareem should know that the "Welcome" mat is not a proper prayer rug. Instead, he must find one that says "Islam Rocks Da Body Dat Rocks Da Party."

-- david

[Shoprat]

Thanks for making me laugh over a normally unfunny subject. I needed it.

[jarhead john]

Wow, looks like Scooter has found his calling. I guess this greatly increases my chances of actually meeting him. I'll be sure to exercise the utmost respect when I shoo, I mean greet him.

Great stuff as always Peace!

P. Moonbeam: Thank you John. Kareem/Scooter said he looks forward to meeting you, although he won't shake your hand as you are an infidel. Don't take it personally, he won't even sit at the table with me now.
Also he asks if you own any guns (?)

[beth]

Are the neighbors Jewish??

oh dear ....

P. Moonbeam: I'm not sure but I think so.

[beth]

I'm just wondering why Scooter can't grow facial hair?

P. Moonbeam: I've never been able to figure that out either, especially since his mom is so hairy.

[Wm H]

Dear Ms. infidel peace moonbeam,

Peace be unto your tent. Please tell the Exalted Young Camel Hump'r he has found favor with the Gwad of mahammand and has been chosen to martyr himself in the glorious war against the sinful devils in the house across the street from him. Fear not for your brother as he enters into the joys of martyrdoom, his promised reward awaits him.

P. Moonbeam: Wm H, I appreciate your comments and passed them along to Kareem/Scooter. He'd thank you himself but he went to the neighbor's house, evidently to loan them a meat cleaver.

[Exile From Hillary's Village]

Too funny. I'll get a link up to you tonight.

You might want to tell Scooter that Spongebob was banned by the Taliban.

P. Moonbeam: Thanks Exile!
Scooter says his Spongebob has converted to Islam so it's okay (I personally question the truth of this statement).

[DirtCrashr]

I went to Santa Cruz so I know something about mushrooms, and those "little caps" - he could be having a disgruntled flashback to the mushrooms themselves.

[John the Marine]

Outstanding! So, Scoots want to be a muslim. Well, that's just fine with me. After all, Muslim is just another way of saying target. Yep, now I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to meeting Scooter... I mean "Kareem". Even if only for a moment. One shot, one kill! God I love the Corps!

P. Moonbeam: Kareem/Scooter has asked me to tell you that he is taking out an Order Of Protection on you.

[TrustOnlyMulder]

You'd have thought someone would have thought to go around the world the other way before Scooter.

I guess sometimes we have idiots and then other times we have idiot savants!!

Did you remind Scooter that Muslims don't drink alcohol? He might change his tune quick.

P. Moonbeam: So far Kareem/Scooter hasn't had too much of a problem not drinking, but he is still smoking tons of pot, only now out of a big brass hookah water pipe which he claims is okay.

[patty]

Oh My poor baby, your friend is such a cross to bare. You are a saint.

P. Moonbeam: Thanks Patty. I do what I can...