Big Jihad In A Small World

September 1, 2006

Berkeley, California

As most of you know, Scooter has converted to Islam and is now going by the name, "Kareem Bakr Gilad." The changes that have come along with this conversion are a mixed bag. On the positive side, he no longer curses like a sailor, has quit drinking, doesn't spend so much time with Pepe, and in general seems very spiritual. On the negative side, he treats all women badly, calls everyone but his fellow Muslim friends infidels, shuns soaps and perfumes, wears weird clothes, is constantly on the floor praying, and of course is wearing that retarded-looking fake beard.

Kareem/Scooter spends most of his time with some guys he met at the local mosque, and as I've mentioned before, they are a fairly unsavory group. Most afternoons they're sprawled around Scooter's bedroom, jabbering, drawing crude diagrams, and screwing around with chemicals and stuff that look dangerous to me. Speaking of Kareem/Scooter's bedroom, you should see what he's done to it - he's replaced his Farrah Fawcett and Star Wars posters with ones of the Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and that pinhead Iraqi cleric Muqtada al-Sadr. Creepy! I also noticed he'd put black electrical tape over the naughty parts of his Playboy foldouts stapled to the walls, which I considered to be a good thing.

Anyway, after receiving several large parcels from Iran, I had a strong feeling Kareem and his buddies were up to something, so while they were out I decided to snoop around his room to see what it was. Here's what I found: 20 Middle Eastern dolls, authentically dressed, right down to the burqas for the women, 20 doll-size bomb vests, several bricks of something labeled "explosives," a bunch of timers, numerous interior photos of what appeared to be an amusement ride featuring zillions of colorfully-dressed dolls representing different countries, a souvenir map of Disneyland, and finally, some Disneyland season passes. What the heck did this mean?

That night at around 2:00 AM it hit me like sledgehammer - they were obviously planning a doll suicide bomb attack on the "It's A Small World" ride at Disneyland!  HOLY POPE-ON-A-ROPE!! After collecting myself, I marveled at the evil genius of the scheme: As Kareem and his buddies travel on the ride, they would place the terrorist dolls among the coalition-country dolls, their little bomb vests wired to the timers. Along comes Mr. and Mrs. Everyday Americans and their 2.4 kids and BOOM! our little allies in the war against terror are blasted to pieces by the jihad doll bombers while the stunned American families are traumatized into the next dimension! Brilliant? Yes, and terrifying beyond comprehension.

Hey listen, I hate this country as much as any liberal, but blowing up Disneyland crosses the line. I'm going to have a talk with Kareem/Scooter and his swarthy little friends. A very serious talk.

 

Comments

[Adolph from Cuba]

Wait a minute. Did you say you have a group of four muslims in your house who have received explosives, timing devices, dolls and doll-size bomb vests by mail?
Hmmm--something's fishy out there.
Just keep an eye on them, sweetheart. If they receive a direct call from the White House you can say they are up to something bad.
Otherwise leave then alone. They are just a harmless bunch of law abiding citizens, no matter what the right wing media is trying to make us to think.
As you know whatever bad that had happened to America the last 5~6 years is due to the direct involvement of the White House on it.
Gee how I miss the times when the President were just up to a b-job, and nothing else!!
God bless you dear.

P. Moonbeam: I try to be tolerant of all faiths and peoples, but these guys gave me the creeps. I don't know what the hell Scooter was thinking...

[Blubrdz]

Hey Kareem, I went to a local "Farmer John" slaughterhouse and bought a couple of pig's heads. Then, on Friday, I drove by a couple of places where the ragheads gather on Fridays for some sort of religious thing, and tossed the pig's head in. It was such fun to see them Muzzies come running out yelling and beating their chests. My buddies and I called it "Bowling for Muzzies. I think every Friday we are going to do this now. The guy who gets the most Muzzies to come running out wins.

P. Moonbeam: Blubrdz, that seems awfully culturally insensitive to me.

[David Amulet]

Hmmm, "It's a Small World' IS really annoying ...

-- david

[John the Marine]

For clarity:

(The only things marine are fish, are you claiming to be a fish?)

Not exactly a fish, but an amphibian killing machine. Hence land and sea.

Hey, if you see a red dot of light on your chest area hold real still for a second or two.

Thanks

P.S. I have some Danish cartoons that might interest you. Just tell me where you live and I'll send them right over.

Kareem Bakr Gilad: I dont know what an amphiban is but it sounds like something unclean which is what infidels like you are.
I already read Family Circus yesterday so I dont need your stupid cartoons.

PS: If those stupid cartoons are the ones that bring disrespect to Mahamid (peace be up on him) we will kill you even worse than before.

[John the Marine]

Kareem Bakr Gilad,
This my towel head enemy means WAR! Not because your blowing up the coalition dolls, Not because you worship a false God, Not because I hate Hippies (Peace M. excluded) and Finally not because "worbling" reminds me of the Ragheads I've already dispatched. Why? Because you have called me a SOLDIER! IM A MARINE DAMMIT! So, in response to your provocation I have no choice but to martyr your sorry ass.

(Set to the music of the Marine Corp Hymn)

From the Halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli.

We will fight our nation's battles on the land and on the sea.

I'm going to grab a bunch of ammo, and my favorite M 16.

Go down to the local mosque, and kill every raghead I see...

How do like those apples?

Yours truly,
John the Marine

P.S. Allah is a fag and so are you Kareem/Scooter.

Kareem Bakr Gilad: Now youve done it by calling Alla (peace be up on him) an unclean name. He is not false but the only true god and Mahamid (peace be up on him) is his profit.
You have just garanteed your destruction, you and your other SOLDIER friends. (The only things marine are fish, are you claiming to be a fish?)
DEATH TO FISH!! ALLA ACBAR ALLA ACBAR EEEIIIEIEIEIIIIEIEIIEIIEIIEIIIIEIIIIEIIIIEIIE
(Im making that worbling sound with my tongue again only louder and more forceful)

[1sttofight]

Panda Rosa,
Me and Leroy(giggle) who is really me in a clever disguise, Dont tell Peace, will be glad to help in any way other than a cash payment to rid the world of that offensive brain washing, communist inspired attack on democracy.

I am Locked And Loaded, Well mostly Loaded but when I sober up I will be right there, Burb, With you.

[Panda Rosa]

I'm sorry, but I'm thoroughly with Kareem on this one..those cute li'l singing horrors must DIE! you hear me, DIE!!! It's the only way we can finally be free of that endless strip of misery and woe, "It's a small world after all, it's a small word after all..." Make it stop, make it stop!
If Kareem won't do it, I will! Any volunteers? (crickets chirpping) Don't all jump up at once!
I have heard that the thing will break down sometimes, trapping people inside for hours...to quote Elmer Fudd, "...the howwer, the howwer..."

P. Moonbeam: I guess the verdict is in: "It's A Small World" must be destroyed. I have also been driven nearly out of my mind on this "ride," (see archives) and may end up helping Kareem with this one.

[SeanS]

You know that if Kareem actually did blow up Small World, the New York Times would find a way to connect it to Bush. I mean, if Homeland Security was actually doing their job, there is no way that Scooter/Kareem would get away with it, right?

P. Moonbeam: Sean, I think we all know that Bush is orchestrating all the terror attacks for personal gain. It's a safe assumption that if Kareem and the boys do blow up the IASW ride at Disneyland, Bush will have played a key part.

[Wm H]

Why don't you buy Cody's Hippie Bus so Sheethead and his fellow goat molesters can travel maybe travel down to Crawford, TX. and hang out with Cindy Sheehan for a while and help her bug the sheet out of Bush whenever he is at the ranch. See message below to learn how to bid on Cody's Ultimate Hippie Bus

Cody is selling the Ultimate Hippie Bus on eBay to help defray medical costs. In case you don't know what happened, Cody was burned in a fire in early July. He has no choice but to sell his bus now. I hope you guys will all go and check out the auction. Cody's Mom has listed it on eBay for him. You can see it here:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=260027385024

P. Moonbeam: Thats a great idea except Peace Mother Sheehan (PMS) doesn't much care for Scooter, although as Kareem she might warm up to him.
BTW, it's no secret that Cody is Scooter's cousin - even Scooter admits it now that the statute of limitations is up on that "thing" they did years ago.

[WTR]

Nobody messes with Disneyland...nobody!
Nuke the hell out of Disneyworld,if you must, but Anaheim is holy ground.
Scooterpie & his Muspeeplims must be stopped!

(although I have to confess, if there was one ride to be targeted for destruction, it should be that one.)

P. Moonbeam: The general consensus is that the "Small World" ride is fair game. However if they screw with the rest of Disneyland there will be hell to pay.

[Gayle]

Okay... Scooter has gone too far this time! Too bad there's not a way you could rig up that bomb stuff to play "God Bless America" when they press the button, or flip the switch or whatever. That would really blow their tiny, evil minds!

[jarhead john]

John The Marine has the right idea. I'd happily stand alongside him while kil...I mean encouraging Scooter/nutjob to give up his wayward beliefs. I've gotta draw the line at kids and dolls. Dolls are just too much. Has he abandoned all sense of good? Hell, I almost feel sorry for him/her/it.

I assure you that if you provide the flight info, JTM and I will ensure that Scooter is steered in the right direction. You may not get him back in the same condition that he left in though......

P. Moonbeam: I'm just glad he's involved in the Religion Of Peace (TM) - can you imagine what he'd do if he was in a regular religion?

[1sttofight]

I will pay him to blow up the small world ride.

P. Moonbeam: Obviously you are one of many....

[Syncrodox]

Peace

This brings to mind Scooter/Kareem's naked biking protest of Ann Coulter. As I recall from the all too graphic pics Kareems efigy of Ann was...er...ah...rather smallish.

I only mention this in that it seems Kareem and his new friends seen to have a fascination with all things tiny.

Maybe you could get him and his friends one of those pump thingys and all might be well. Hell if it works maybe we can send a few hundred thousand to Iraq to help ease the anxiety of the local "insurgents".

If THAT works you may well have a good portion of your christmas shopping under control.

Pump for peace!!!

Syncro

P. Moonbeam: Syncro, I'm no psychiatrist but I think you may have something there (unlike, ahem, Scooter).

[Dr. Phat Tony]

I think this is just a trial run on blowing up the whole world. First it's a small world; then it's the whole world. I wonder how many people with bombs strapped to their chests would it take to blow up the whole world. You may want to keep count of Scooters friends. IF you see an influx of thousands I might need to mine my front yard.

P. Moonbeam: Dr. Phat Tony, if you saw just the few little unibrow friends Kareem has, you would probably want to go ahead with that front yard mining.

[John the Marine]

Kareem has truly stooped to a new low! I mean my God! What kind of sick turd bombs innocent dolls?! The typical "I hate America" Pinko crap didn't bother me so much because it is pretty much what I expect from insects like Scooter/ Kareem (or whatever the hell he's calling himself this week). But bombing the wholesome "Its a Small World" ride while hundreds of mothers with their children watch is too much for this Marine to take. How about you tell me the times, airline and flight numbers for raghead wanna-be and company. That way my fellow Leathernecks and I could greet the misguided lad at the airport. I'm sure we could persuade Kareem and his new friends to come to their senses about this terror plot. Or, we could just stomp their guts out and call it a day. It really wouldn't be much trouble at all. Besides, Marines like airports... They have bars and stewardesses in them.

Kareem Bakr Gilad (peace be up on me): Infidel those coalition dolls are legitimate targets and deserve to be destroyed for there sins against the followers of Moehamid (peace be up on him). I only wish you and your soldier friends are on that ride when Alah's (peace be up on him) vengence is unleashed. Eat death dogface.
EEEIIIEEIIIIEEEIIIIIEEIIIIEEIII (Im making that worbling sound with my tongue)

[TrustOnlyMulder]

Can you rig the explosive to only blow up the speaker system? If no one got hurt, I might not mind that.

P. Moonbeam: Most people would pay Kareem for that. Unfortunately he says the coalition dolls must die. Sorry.