In Defense Of Bill Clinton

September 29, 2006

New York City, New York

I came to the Big Apple this week to protest against that neocon bastion of right wing propaganda, Fox News. It's one thing for this network to be the mouthpiece of the G. W. Chimpy McHitler administration, but when they dare ambush the greatest and most beloved president this country has ever known, it's go time, baby. My friend Squid and I were prepared to stand with William Jefferson Clinton in the face of this attack and our presence in front of the Fox studios shouted to the world that we were ready to rumble.

In case you were in a cave and didn't hear what happened, Chris Wallace interviewed Clinton on Fox News Sunday. Supposedly this interview was to be partly about Clinton's Global Initiative campaign but before Bill could even get his bearings, Wallace ambushed him with a question about why he didn't grab Osama Bin Laden when given the chance a couple times. What followed was a forceful, impassioned, finger-pointing vintage WJC rebuttal, the likes of which we have not seen since he was asked whether he'd had "relations" with that lying tramp, Monica Lewinsky. In short, he made mincemeat out of Wallace.

It's not a big news flash that Clinton passed on grabbing Osama, we all understand that and frankly don't really care. The problem is the extreme hypocrisy of the right-wingers, like when they fault Clinton for not returning a call requesting approval to snatch Bin Laden until after the President finished his round of golf. The conservatives claim to enjoy and respect the game of golf but when it's WJC playing, they expect him to break all rules of protocol by making a noisy phone call while on the course in the company of his fellow players, something they would never consider. Typical double standard.

We've lived for years with these irrational attacks on the character of Bill Clinton from conservatives. The simple fact is any red-blooded American male would gladly play "hide the pickle" with a chubby, big-breasted Jewish girl, or enjoy an undisturbed game of golf on one of our nation's beautiful golf courses. For the conservatives to claim they wouldn't do the same is dishonest and hypocritical, and we're not going to let them get away with it any longer.

After standing outside the Fox studios for a couple hours, Squid and I were confident we had accomplished our goal of shaming the network, so we went to a Yankee game. Mr. Clinton, we, and just about every college professor in this country, stand with you sir.

Comments

[Adolph from Cuba]

Speaking of bin Laden...

There's a funny thing about all these conspiracy theories about the 9/11 (or about the JFK assassination, or about whichever conspiracy theory Americans are so fond of, you name it). All these conspiracy theories have all a weak point, a single point of failure, none of the "theorist" seem to be aware of.
My point is as follows: Americans can do anything, they can walk on the Moon, they can have the highest tech weaponry, they can support governments, or they can defeat tyrannies, they can fly to the stars. But there's something Americans can simply not do. Keep their mouth shut.
There is something Americans love above all and it is being a celebrity. No matter the motive but they love to be in the news. To have their 15 minutes of glory. Because American's culture is the culture of the celebrities.
That in itself is neither good nor bad. But that makes people talk about anything they know that could or would put them on the headlines, no matter the consequences, even putting their lives at risk.
Look at the scandals this years. In every single scandal there is someone who blew it up. Somebody snitched it to the press. Somebody got his 15 minutes.
Let's look at the Mafia. Why did the Mafia fail in America? The survival of the Mafia entirely depended of their Code of Silence. They brought it back from Sicily and Naples, where it had been kept for hundreds of years. But the Mafia members couldn’t maintain silence in America. Even though they were risking their lives they ultimately couldn't keep their mouth shut, did they? In America to talk becomes compulsory.
A conspiracy the size needed to perform a task like the 9/11 would involve a host of people, government people, of course.
But if you look at some of the statements the "theorists" make about the towers being purposefully dynamited then you need to look up for some private enterprises as well. Not everybody in the US (military included) can make a building this size to go down "against the laws of physics" like the twins towers did. (I wonder why they say "against the laws of physics", I saw them fall to the ground, pretty much the way physics would say they would, but that's another story).
So let's face it, do someone believe that none of all these people needed to achieve a task like the 9/11 terrorist attack wouldn't have come forward and told the press?
Is the Goverment Code of Silence tighter than the one the Mafia uset to have? I don't think so, do you?
It would be more easy (and plausible) to think there was no conspiracy at all. That's the simpler, and more adequate explanation to the facts at hand.
But Americans will never accept it. They love conspiracies pretty much the same they love celebrities :)
Let alone the motives the government would have to do something like that. Does they mention what these motives would be? I don't think so.
To support their point the "theorist" try to explain every single artifact they find in the pictures taken that day, (most of them pictures taken by amateurs in a haste, stunned by the shock of the horror being unfolded in front of their eyes) as supporting of elements of their theory.
There are some pictures that even show the face of the evil being formed out of the smoke clods, havent you seen these?
I wonder why none of these "theories" try and explain why the face of the evil was so evident in some of these pictures.
Would it be because nobody would buy that?
Is really nice to build a theory where you can include those facts which do support the theory but exclude those facts which doesn't.
So far no theory have even mentioned the face of the evil. I wonder why. It was so evident.

P. Moonbeam: Adolfo, you are working yourself into a lather over this. Relax. Slow down. Enjoy life and know that the Republicans are controlling the world with their evil schemes.

[Adolph from Cuba]

If for one thing WJC must be praised about is for the hard time Hillary's gone through because of him. That solely had given enough credits to him to be given only one to twenty years imprisonment instead the life time he should have given otherwise. That's the only reason the Congress was so soft on him as well. Making her life misserable saved his ass.
P.S By the way, couldn't we be spared that 9/11 rant?

P. Moonbeam: Bill has endured so much from you conservatives. Evreybody knows he was the best President.

[Enlightenment]

Speaking of bin Laden...

One thing that struck me as odd in the days after 9/11 was Bush saying "We will not tolerate conspiracy theories [regarding 9/11]". Sure enough there have been some wacky conspiracy theories surrounding the events of that day. The most far-fetched and patently ridiculous one that I've ever heard goes like this: Nineteen hijackers ....
EDITED BY PEACE MOONBEAM
---------------------------------------

P Moonbeam: Listen pinhead, I'm saving my readers the pain of having to read your 20 page moronic essay of how our own government brought down the World Trade Center.
Go get some help, or at least kill yourself for the benefit of the rest of us.

[John the Marine]

For all his faults Bubba is alright. Now, you might ask: Why would a Marine give a draft dodging bottom feeding sack of puss like Cliton a pass? Well, thats easy. He's a womanizing party animal that hates Hillary like the rest of male humanity. Hell, considering that there has to be some good in the guy. Besides, he's improving. The blonde is definitely several steps up from the wilderbeast Monica.

P.S. A word for Ms. Lewinsky: Big cans don't make up for being a fat pig. Go on a diet or shoot yourself in the head. Thanks, and have a nice day.

P. Moonbeam: Well it's nice to see some enlightment here. Your feelings that Bill Clinton was the best president in this country's history is refreshing.
It's too bad you can't be as kind to that liberated icon of womanhood, Ms. Lewinsky.
All men are pigs.

[webloafer]

Peace, come on now.....lining up a putt, if WJC ever made it to the green honestly.....he would exclaim....."LOOK, In the sky is that a taliban bomber????" While everyone was looking to the sky, Billy Boy would kick his golf ball much much closer to the hole. Lining up a putt....HA...har...ha.

P. Moonbeam: That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

[jarhead john]

Sounds like a good time was had by all, and as usual, I'm sure you were highly effective. Ha!

P. Moonbeam: I assume you are complimenting Squid and I and not mocking us. Mocking us could be very bad for you and your little soldier friends.

[1sttofight]

Please bring Squid(LMAO) by sometime, I would really like to meet him/her or what ever.
If you do come by, stop and buy a jug of milk. Buffy and Milkweed seem to drain me of liquids everyday. Oh yeah and some Hersheys chocolate syurp would be appreciated too.

Oh yeah and a case of beer or two would be appreciated too, neither of the girls can drive and I am too weak to drive so be a sport and help me out , OK?

Did the girls ever find you? They are in Berkeley somewhere the last I seen them.

P. Moonbeam: To be honest, Squid is far too classy to be hanging around the likes of you. You see, Squid is a gentleman. Oh, he may not look or speak or behave like one, but I assure you he is and I'm not going to allow you to ruin him.
Buy your own stuff, Mr. Money Bags.

PS: Haven't seen the girls. If they surface, tell them hi from Mommy.

[Patty]

Miss Moon I knew we could count on you to defend WJC. he is so 'miss' understood.
You must tell us more about this new friend you hanging with these days.

P. Moonbeam: Hi Patty! I hope that "miss" understood remark wasn't disparaging toward Mr. Clinton.
With Scooter behind bars I've had to recruit a new assistant. Squid is a very bright young man and a wonderful poet to boot. Like Scooter, he has an associates degree in art from Berkeley.
I look forward to his help in fighting conservative injustice, wherever it rears its ugly head.

[kwongdzu]

Ummm, Peace? What is Bill doing? Whatever it is, it doesn't look good! Does his caddy pack a pooper scooper, or is the rag on his head there for quick and discreet cleanups? Are ex presidents so privileged they don't even have to use restrooms like the rest of us? Seriously, I never wanted to try golf because of the funny clothes. But if THIS is what makes the grass there so green, that seals it. I am never going golfing!

P. Moonbeam: Hi kwongdzu. No, Bill's just crouched down, lining up a putt.
The question I had when I saw this photo was, "Why is the President golfing in a ninja costume?"

[Wm H]

"The simple fact is any red-blooded American male would gladly play "hide the pickle" with a chubby, big-breasted Jewish girl, or enjoy an undisturbed game of golf on one of our nation's beautiful golf courses. For the conservatives to claim they wouldn't do the same is dishonest........"

Beg your pardon their lil'darl'n. It seems you know nothing about us G_d fearing honest red blooded males (that's what you get after shacking all these years with scooter). I can truthfully say I would never, ever, even dream of playing hide my wicked pickle in a chubby, big-breasted Jewish girl (unless her folks are filthy rich). Oh, before I trip off agin, do you whanta share some blotter acid and take a trip with me?

P. Moonbeam: Okay, I stand corrected. I guess I was mainly thinking about Scooter as he has always had the hots for Monica.
I'm afraid of my thoughts on acid. Have any Peyote??

[Kristie]

Beautiful !!!!! PEACE ~~ as usual I am awed by your clever satire.....and if you read it in your best "Cindy Sheehan" impersonation; it's even more entertaining. LOL :-) Please don't take any more (leaves of absence) for a month; you were missed ! Have a great weekend

God Still Blesses America --->--->(@

P. Moonbeam: Hello Kristie. You are far too kind, and possibly too easily entertained - for this I'm glad!