Sunshine

October 27, 2006

Berkeley, California

Well, it's looking like Squid's not coming back from North Korea in the foreseeable future so this week I've been interviewing assistants. While there have been a few semi-decent prospects, for the most part I've been subject to an endless parade of clueless morons, punctuated by the occasional ignorant pinhead - I guess the excesses of the 60s and 70s weren't kind to many of my generation. I can't help but think that conservatives don't have this much difficulty finding reliable help, but I may be wrong.

I limited my search mainly to socially-oppressed types - gays, lesbians, transgendered, minorities, etc. Thankfully Berkeley has lots of these people, but for some reason many of them were kind of difficult to deal with. For example, most of the gays, lesbians, and transgendered people I talked to expected me to also give their boyfriend/girlfriend/transgenderedfriend full benefits or would feel discriminated against. The several minorities that I've interviewed were fairly nice but seemed to resent the fact that they would be working for a white woman and alluded to the possibility they would sue the crap out of me if they perceived I was not respecting their cultural heritage. Also they stole some ashtrays and stuff, which didn't sit well with me at all.

In the end, I was most impressed with my old friend Sunshine, an extremely sturdy, transgendered child of the 60s like myself (except for the transgendered part). Sunshine's affiliations include: National Federation of Democratic Women, PETA, Code Pink, Green Party, ACLU, Rainbow/Push Coalition, NAACP, Amnesty International, Communist Party of the United States, National Education Association (NEA), Greenpeace, Sierra Club, Common Cause, National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League (NARAL), Planned Parenthood, and National Organization of Women. Plus she can tune a car and fix a toilet.

I've known Sunshine ever since she was Ernie Finkelstein. I met Ernie at UC Berkeley in the early 70s and was immediately impressed by his social sensitivities and superior decorating skills. We spent many a night doing bong hits, discussing liberal philosophies and makeup tips while he braided my hair. When he bravely took the step to finally become Sunshine, I was there to lend comfort, support, and my underwear. I treasured the symbolic gift of his castoff "winky" he gave me after his final operation. I kept it in a box for many years until Scooter found it and ate it one night thinking it was a date.

I think Sunshine will make a perfect assistant and bring something new to my efforts to promote foreword-thinking ideals while defeating the paralyzing conservatism that's crippled our country. The fact that she can add a porch to my house is just icing on the cake. You go, gir...transgendered person!

Comments

[patty]

MM Peace,
Sunshine's resume sounds as if she will work out devinely. I don't understand what all the fuss is about appearance is. Everyone has an off day.
More primpro will take care of those little problems that mary-kay won't.
Why must everyone act like bullies to the new kid on the playground?
MPMMA

P. Moonbeam: These men just feel threatened by a strong woman who's sure of herself.

[Exile From Hillary's Village]

It's easy to find bad help these days.

[Wm H]

Acting on the advise of his whacky nephew, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il condemned this morning's sunrise, calling it "another hostile, deliberately timed act by the world community" and "a clear and blatant declaration of war.

SOURCE: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54667

[Seaspook]

I think she needs a darker eyeshadow to go with her 5-o'clock shadow.

[beth]

I guess I can see why you'd need an assistant (I guess). He/she made a nice little sign - looks like Sunshine is artistic, if not as artistic as Scooter.

Any word on when Scooter might be getting out of Gitmo?

Have you thought of giving Sunshine some make-up tips? Maybe something about not wearing blue eyeshadow?? Just a thought.

P. Moonbeam: Beth, I'll be the first to admit Sunshine isn't quite as artistic as Scooter but who is?
I don't know when Scooter's getting released. I sure do miss the little guy.
Sunshine used to work in a beauty shop so she knows pretty much everything about makeup, I doubt if I could give her any advice.

[John the Marine]

Dammit Peace! I said hairy armpits I could drink away, Not a hairy face! Yuk! I would puke, but I don't want to waste my Beer. Anyway I'm off to the titty bar. Drink isn't enough for this one, I need some visual.

John the Marine, Out.

P. Moonbeam: OMG, you are a barbarian!
Why does everyone keep talking about her face? She's got a beautiful, if slightly rugged face. She looks a thousand percent better than when she was Ernie, I tell you, and he wasn't that bad.
Also, I know for a fact that she really really likes soldier guys, so don't be so quick to say you're not interested ;)

[Grey Coyote]

Hey Moonbeam, I didn't see you at the Chicago protest, we could have used you.

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=local&id=4705822

P. Moonbeam: Our alarms didn't go off.

[Cinnamon]

I don't know about this one, Peace. Aren't you afraid of perpetuating the hot conservative chick/hairy liberal beast woman stereotype? And right before the elections? Sunshine has more of a beard than my Uncle Tom.

P. Moonbeam: Hi Cinnamon! I would hardly call Sunshine a "beast." She's very attractive and I know for a fact that Pepe would pay money to date her.
I think you're just seeing a shadow in her photo, she doesn't have a beard.

[SeanS]

Ernie Finkelstein? No kidding. I used to have an Ernie Finkelstein on my bowling league. Great guy but he always insisted on bowling in stiletto heels and a mini skirt. We never thought anything of it since he could bowl a 240 with them. Good ole' Ernie.

P. Moonbeam: Hi SeanS. That sure sounds like Ernie. He was one hell of a good bowler.

[beth]

I don't mean to be rude, but what exactly is it that you need an assistant for?

Just wondering .....

P. Moonbeam: Hello Beth.When protesting, there are many details to attend to such as making signs, knowing where to go, getting "substances" that will enhance the protest experience, buying fake blood to sling around if it's an antiwar or PETA protest, etc.
Just making the signs alone is more than I can usually do myself. Scooter was especially good at making signs due to his art degree. I sure miss him.

[syncrodox]

Peace

Please....pleeaassee No more pics. You're scaring my children. Harmony is freaked right out.....River wants some "play clothes" and little Leaf tried to take an exacto knife to his winkie!

As a paragon of progressive perdition you MUST consider the children. Once again.... NO MORE PICS!!!

Syncro

P. Moonbeam: Syncro, I'm afraid you're not raising your children with a proper world view. All children must be strongly encouraged to explore their opposite gender's physical and mental enviroment. How will they know what gender/mix of genders they want to be if they don't experience them?
If you insist on shielding your children from the liberated things of life maybe you should become a Republican.

[Max]

Oh sure. It was on the shelf in the hall closet. Looky here: it's dark. Guy's got the munchies (likely due to those heavenly brownies you baked earlier). You keep those little dozen packs of single-serve cereals stashed all around the place. Just to tease him. Froot Loops. Raisin Bran. All in those nice, small accessible boxes.

Can he help it if he grabs the "wrong" box?

As for your glove - you know darn well he didn't eat it. That was O.J.'s glove, wasn't it?

Why do you insist on blaming Scooter for everything? I mean, damn. Did he deny you sex whenever you wanted it? Of course not.

I'm starting to wonder if you didn't actually eat the date, then turn around and blame it on Scooter. I can see that. Sort of like cutting a really stinky fart, then blaming it on the dog.

P. Moonbeam: Is this really Scooter's mother, Edith? Quit pretending you're a reader, I know it's you Edith. You're the only person in the world who would defend Scooter, especially for something like this.
And quit trying to blame me for his problems. He's a pinhead and you know why. Do you think being a raging alcoholic hooked on diet pills when you were pregnant might have had something to do with Scooter's lack of mental development? I say look in the mirror if you want to blame someone for your son's bad behavior.

[Max]

I kept it in a box for many years until Scooter found it and ate it one night thinking it was a date.

That's pathetic. You kept it in a box on a shelf in the kitchen, right next to the Raisin Bran, and then you turn around and blame poor ol' Scooter for just rummaging around in the dark on a munchie run. That's just plain mean.

Everyone knows that such things are best kept in a mayonnaise jar on the nightstand, but no - you couldn't be bothered to do the right thing.

P. Moonbeam: Max, this little box was on the shelf in the hall closet - who searches a hall closet for something to eat? Scooter was totally responsible and I'll never forgive him for this.
PS: He also ate one of my gloves.

[jarhead john]

Wow, looks like you've picked yet another winner. He/she/he-she should fit right in (no pun intended).

P. Moonbeam: You think you're so smart.

[Terri]

Dang it all. If I had known you were looking for someone to fill Squid's clogs, I would have sent cousin Cosmos. He wouldn't be able to build a porch, but he makes a bread pudding to die for and he knows how to moon walk. By the way, you may want to talk to Sunshine about that five o'clock shadow.

P. Moonbeam: I like bread pudding a lot.
Sunshine is every bit a lady (now). I think you're just seeing a shadow.

[Patrick Joubert Conlon]

"...a date!" I'm beginning to feel sorry for Scooter. Maybe I will forgive him when he gets out of Gitmo. How could any man recover from that? Eating "the date" I mean - not Gitmo.

P. Moonbeam: I knew you'd warm up to Scooter, Patrick. I can see the two of you being the best of friends.

[jainphx]

Its astounding how you always pick the eye candy,dont you ever pick for brains.Does looks always enter into the equation.

P. Moonbeam: I guess this administration has made me superficial.