October 27, 2006
Well, it's looking like Squid's not coming back from North Korea in the foreseeable future so this week I've been interviewing assistants. While there have been a few semi-decent prospects, for the most part I've been subject to an endless parade of clueless morons, punctuated by the occasional ignorant pinhead - I guess the excesses of the 60s and 70s weren't kind to many of my generation. I can't help but think that conservatives don't have this much difficulty finding reliable help, but I may be wrong.
I limited my search mainly to socially-oppressed types - gays, lesbians, transgendered, minorities, etc. Thankfully Berkeley has lots of these people, but for some reason many of them were kind of difficult to deal with. For example, most of the gays, lesbians, and transgendered people I talked to expected me to also give their boyfriend/girlfriend/transgenderedfriend full benefits or would feel discriminated against. The several minorities that I've interviewed were fairly nice but seemed to resent the fact that they would be working for a white woman and alluded to the possibility they would sue the crap out of me if they perceived I was not respecting their cultural heritage. Also they stole some ashtrays and stuff, which didn't sit well with me at all.
In the end, I was most impressed with my old friend Sunshine, an extremely sturdy, transgendered child of the 60s like myself (except for the transgendered part). Sunshine's affiliations include: National Federation of Democratic Women, PETA, Code Pink, Green Party, ACLU, Rainbow/Push Coalition, NAACP, Amnesty International, Communist Party of the United States, National Education Association (NEA), Greenpeace, Sierra Club, Common Cause, National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League (NARAL), Planned Parenthood, and National Organization of Women. Plus she can tune a car and fix a toilet.
I've known Sunshine ever since she was Ernie Finkelstein. I met Ernie at UC Berkeley in the early 70s and was immediately impressed by his social sensitivities and superior decorating skills. We spent many a night doing bong hits, discussing liberal philosophies and makeup tips while he braided my hair. When he bravely took the step to finally become Sunshine, I was there to lend comfort, support, and my underwear. I treasured the symbolic gift of his castoff "winky" he gave me after his final operation. I kept it in a box for many years until Scooter found it and ate it one night thinking it was a date.
I think Sunshine will make a perfect assistant and bring something new to my efforts to promote foreword-thinking ideals while defeating the paralyzing conservatism that's crippled our country. The fact that she can add a porch to my house is just icing on the cake. You go, gir...transgendered person!