November 10, 2006
San Francisco, California
Woohoo! We kicked the war-mongering neocons to the curb! Rumsfeld is toast! Congratulations have been pouring in from all over the world. Shiite cleric Moktada al-Sadr, Hugo Chavez, Hamas, numerous officials from France and the European Union, North Korea, Iran, Syria, and others all herald the outcome of this election as a great thing. Domestically, the Communist Party of America, the Socialists Party of America, The Council on American-Islamic Relations, the NAACP, and many other progressive patriotic groups are also trumpeting these elections as a turning point for America. I've never seen such an outpouring of love and support from our friends!
Sunshine and I have been celebrating for two days straight here in San Francisco with friends and local politicos including future Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi herself! At a party Thursday night I spent over three hours with this likable little liberal leftist, and had the opportunity to get a sneak preview of her vision of enlightened change for our country. To say I'm excited would be an understatement!
First and foremost, I asked her how quickly the Democrats were going to press their plan for victory in Iraq. Nancy said as soon as they think up a plan, they were going to ram it through. When questioned further, she said she was pretty sure their strategy would probably involve some sort of rapid retreat as soon as possible. "Our goal will most likely be an orderly and dignified exit like we did in Vietnam, only hopefully without the millions of people being slaughtered after we leave," she said, and after taking a long bong hit added, "I'd also like to see some sort of punishment for at least those troops who wantonly discharged firearms or disrespected Iraqis while in their country." Mrs. Pelosi also expressed a desire to slash defense spending while using the money saved to institute a welfare program for disenfranchised and/or pissed off Muslims abroad, a move sure to erase the deserved hate many Islamic extremists have for our country. After several more bong hits, I started getting a little creeped out when I realized in the smokey light she looked just like Michael Jackson, but I digress...
Probably the most exciting thing Representative Pelosi divulged was a plan to reinvigorate the pro-choice movement by introducing legislation to allow federal funding for abortion into the ninth trimester. Anybody who's ever raised a two-year-old can appreciate this effort to give women the right to choose. I personally would have gladly aborted my one-year-old if the government would have footed the bill. Also, I feel Mrs. Pelosi's desire to raise taxes on those wealthy individuals earning more than $30,000 a year, while giving those under that level total tax relief and certificates for free Church's Fried Chicken, truly exemplifies the spirit of the Democratic Party and makes me glad I'm poor. Unfortunately, her wish to burn churches and publicly torture George Bush, while admirable, probably won't happen. Hey, we can all dream.
Happy days are here again.