Bold Party, Bold Plan

November 17, 2006

Washington DC

After six years of Republican lethargy, we Dems are moving forward with bold plans to fix this country. The American public asked for change and we're going to bend them over and give it to them, fast and hard!

By far the most urgent need is to achieve victory in Iraq. As we discussed earlier, the only way to achieve this victory is to leave as soon as possible. Some prominent Democratic leaders have called for pullouts within four to six months. Are you kidding me? What are they waiting for? For Halliburton to make MORE money? For MORE innocent Iraqis to be photographed playing "Twister" naked in prisons? I say everyone out by Saturday, last one leaving kill the lights.

One thing Bush hasn't understood is the fact that just the act of having soldiers over there in these Arab countries has turned zillions of formerly peaceful Arabs into terrorists. I know for a fact that if I saw Arab soldiers down the street from my house, I'd strap on bombs and go blow them up, or at least try to cut their heads off or something. I've done some figuring and with the Dems' proposed "Forces Leaving Early Expeditiously" plan (FLEE), I calculate over 378.3 terrorists will not be created every week we are gone. These men and women will instead most likely become professors, doctors, and nurses. Also, without Halliburton around, the Iraqis can create their own companies to do whatever Halliburton was doing, and the billions these companies earn can build malls and water parks and stuff. Result: happy Iraqis working at high-paying jobs, shopping and having fun, not blowing things up.

As expected, the Republicans are crying a river over our plans to exit Iraq gracefully with dignity, but no big surprise there - you'd cry too if someone took away your oil wells. The biggest whiner is the Iraqi government itself, "Oh boohoo, our government will collapse, hundreds of thousands of people will die in sectarian violence, Muslim extremist groups will take over, blah blah blah." Oh please, over here we're battling for stem cell research and tax hikes, fending off Evangelical homo-drug addicts, etc., and you're complaining about a few heavily-armed over-stimulated camel jockeys? Give me a break.

When it's all said and done, there's nothing wrong in Iraq that the ACLU couldn't fix, and the sooner we send some lawyers over there and start suing the crap out of the troublemakers, the quicker that rat's nest will become civilized.

Troops out, lawyers in, build water parks. All better.

Comments

[RoxieAmerica]

That was too funny! I love the waterslide! If all men are pigs, that is why the Arab terrorists are trying to kill them -- they don't like pork.

P. Moonbeam: Hi Roxie! Thanks for your kind comments.
That is why the Arab terrorists are trying to kill them - because they don't like pork :)

[1sttofight]

John, John, Peace is a wore out woman now that I am through with her. Even her old friends the donkeys wont have anything to do with her, The only things that will come around her is Girlymen like pooter, scuz and whatever the last thing is.
Even Eveready goes dead whenever it gets within 5 feet of her.
She is a lost cause, learn to live with it like I have.
She used to be hot but so did last years Christmas tree.

P. Moonbeam: Just what I'd expect from you. Again, all men are pigs.

[John the Marine]

God Dammit Peace! I go down to my bunker for a little R&R and come back to read this FLEE crap. Is this how my kindness is repayed? I go through the trouble to call Gysgt Bone-Crusher down in Gitmo to put in a few good words for Scoots and the next thing I know your trying to reck a perfectly good war! Sheesh, you; Hippie, traitor, scum, sandal wearing types don't waste any time do ya? Now before you and the Canadians go have a love-in or smoke more dope I want you ponder something. If you end the wars, feed the starving and build water parks in the Middle East the World will be one big Leftwing Utopia. And then, my unwashed friends, there will be nothing to complain about, protest or agitate over. So, you better be careful what you wish for, because all this peace, love and happiness can put you longhairs out of business.

John the Marine Out.

P. Moonbeam: Oh, quit your complaining. There's enough conservatives around to pretty much assure us of wars forever, so I doubt you and your little soldier friends will be out of work.

BTW, Scooter wrote me a letter saying your friend at Guantanamo has been doing disgusting things to his Quran and calling Mohammad gay. He's writing a letter to Kofi Annan, and I have a feeling both of you will be sorry.

[jarhead john]

That water park sure looks swell. Those darned enclosed water slides are so hard to shoot from though...

P. Moonbeam: Barbarian.

[beth]

1.) I was lying to Jenn to hopefully make her read my blog often. You are my real best friend.

How do I know this is true? If you lied to her how do I know you aren't lying to me?

Have you no shame??

2.) Women are not allowed in the water with men as this is a Muslim nation. Sorry. However, they are allowed to clean the water park when closed, and you are more than welcome to help as long as you are wearing a burqa :)

That might mess up my nails and I don't look good with cleaning paraphernalia. It doesn't suit me. It just doesn't go with my overall image - cha know? I'll be glad to supervise though ... I can sun while watching you clean :)

I'll tell my friends to turn your blog back on since you're my closest friend.

So y'all can unblock it by ... say .... the 1st of December??

(can you tell I'm lost and roaming around the internet without a home? sniff)

P. Moonbeam: Hi beth.

I've never lied to you but have been lying to everybody else I told were my best friends. Actually, I hate all those other people and if I had a chance to destroy them, I would.
You are my only closest friend, always.

My friends said they would turn your blog back on soon, definitely before Dec. 1.

You know you always have a home here at TPMC, especially if you know how to clean bathrooms.

Your Bestest and Closest Friend,
Peace

[SeanS]

Hey, the guy with the duck looks like a former Navy buddy of mine, Mahmoud Akmehd. What a great guy! He was very religious and prayed all the time on his little bath-mat. He wasn't much of a swimmer so he was kicked out. I always wondered what happened to him.

P. Moonbeam: Hi Sean. That man isn't your old friend Mahmoud, it's none other than Muqtada al-Sadr himself! He has his own army, you know.

[beth]

Just a couple of thoughts here.

1st - you told Jenn down there that she was your new best friend. That really hurt my feelings. I'm just saying....

2nd - do we have to wear burkas in the water park? I don't see any women in there and I'm not inclined to swim with pigs holding knives and Qarans/Korans. I'm just saying again .....

Oh - and one more thing. My blog is down - how'd the Vast LEFT Wing Conspiracy pull that off?? :(

P. Moonbeam: Hi Beth!

1.) I was lying to Jenn to hopefully make her read my blog often. You are my real best friend.

2.) Women are not allowed in the water with men as this is a Muslim nation. Sorry. However, they are allowed to clean the water park when closed, and you are more than welcome to help as long as you are wearing a burqa :)

I'll tell my friends to turn your blog back on since you're my closest friend.

[epador]

I believe the previous commentors have neglected the best part of FLEE:

Send in the Lawyers!

I am sure you'll get support from the Right side of the aisle on this one, especially the ones in support of tort reform.

Can you imagine if we had used this one from the get-go? Instead of waves of Stealth Fighters and Smart Bombs, had we sent in a few battalions of Legal Eagles armed with legal sized pads and No.2 pencils, we could have avoided the loss of even one human life. I mean, look at the choice ol'Saddam made for his defense attorneys! Johnny Cochrane and Judge Judy could have whipped Ramsey Clark with both hands tied behind their backs!

However you missed one thing. Water Parks are out now in the middle east. Ya gotta have Indoor Ski Mountains, OK? Never enough ISM's!

P. Moonbeam: Hello Epador.
We all know lawyers are the difference between being a third world country and a first world country. We also know that nobody in his right mind is going to want to blow people up if he knows he might lose his 401K and Cadillac in the resulting lawsuit.

[syncrodox]

Hi Peace

Do what you can with HD. Fourteen troops sounds about right so I'm all jiggy with that. (something like UNFIL)

As far as being a motivational speaker .....I refuse to live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!!.....again.

Syncro

P. Moonbeam: So be it, my friend.

[syncrodox]

Hi Peace

I'm all with ya on the FLEE thing but I do have a bone to pick with you Dems. As you may or may not know Howard Dean is coming up to here to give the keynote address at the Liberal Party of Canada convention to choose a new leader.

Now normally I would applaud the presence of a brilliant campaigner like HD to rally the troops of our Natural Governing Party but it has come to my attention that he supports keeping troops in Afghanistan. This is just not acceptable!

Our Prime Minister (who is obviously a dupe of one Chimpy Mc Hitler) had the unmitigated gaul to send our troops to Afghanistan with guns!!! Can you imagine....I mean really...After thirteen years of governing by the LPC we just about had the military retrofitted with snow shovels and fruit baskets and this neanderthal gives them guns and tanks!!!!

Anyways...us progressives firmly believe in the doctrine of FLEE and believe that a complete withdrawal of our troops from Afghanistan will result in the next generation of international diplomacy. We refer to this as Canadian Hosers Intone Capitulation in Kandahar Enciting Nihilism (CHICKEN).

I would greatly appreciate it if you could speak to HD before he comes up here and set him straight!

I'd like to chat more but I have lots to do...First I'm going to the BANK and then to THE GAS STATION and THEN TO THE GROCERY STORE...AND THEN TO THE LAUNDRYMAT......EEEEEHHHHAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!

P.S. I was going to send you and Pepe some of the hydro herb as per my last post but I ended up celebrating the victory with Pelosi and Billary and Madam Speaker borgarted the whole damn bale.

P.P.S. In the future any herb I contribute to the Democrat cause will be sent through you.....My eyeballs still hurt from listening to Pelosi laugh...fer Budda's sake that woman can sure grate.

Syncro

P. Moonbeam: Hi Syncro! As a matter of fact Howard is coming by for a glass of wine and my famous cheeseball tomorrow so I'll see what I can do. Also, I think he only wants to keep somewhere around 14 troops in Afghanistan so it's not as bad as you make it out to be.

I really like CHICKEN and feel it embodies many of the same high ideals as FLEE.

I know this may sound crazy, but when you were telling me where you had to go, I kind of felt energized and maybe even a little excited. Have you ever thought about being a motivational speaker or something like that? You'd be good at it.

[Cinnamon]

I'm amazed you're not Secretary of Defense.

P. Moonbeam: Thank you. I'd like to think I understand conflict and how it should be avoided.

[a4g]

I can't believe you'd advocate such an irresponsible use of our planet's limited water supplies. All I see in that photograph is mankind's arrogance while hundreds of manatees somewhere die of thirst.

P. Moonbeam: Hi A4g. I would agree with you if that were the case. If the Iraqis were to build water parks, they would undoubtedly utilize recycled water as most of the water plants are still destroyed.
As you well know, manatees would die if they drank reconstituted urine, so these parks would be ecologically friendly.

[bernie]

If all men are pigs and according to Muslims all Jews are pigs then ... all pigs are male Jews? I had a hard time diagramming that one.

P. Moonbeam: Well, as much as any liberal would despise the Jews for occupying Palestine and murdering and eating its people, I wouldn't go as far as call all pigs male Jews. I just wouldn't.

[Jenn]

"One thing Bush hasn't understood is the fact that just the act of having soldiers over there in these Arab countries has turned zillions of formerly peaceful Arabs into terrorists."

BWAH, HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA!!!! Frickin' funny. Thanks for the laugh. Great blog.

P. Moonbeam: Thank you Jenn. You are officially my new best friend :)

[patty]

MM. Ms.Peace
The plan sounds ever so good. I fear that those blue dog democrats (DINO's)will slow the progress.
Oh and I think my point was proven when Harry sent Jon to the corner and would not allow him to get his picture taken too.
MPMMA

P. Moonbeam: Damned DINOs.

[1sttofight]

Squeal like a pig for the boys like you used to Peace.

lol.

P. Moonbeam: I guess i should have expected that from you.

[Gayle]

ROTFALMAO! Peace, you have beautifully presented the Democrat's plan. '"Forces Leaving Expediently Early" plan (FLEE)' What a hoot! :)

P. Moonbeam: Thank you Gayle, I only report what I hear.

[Seaspook]

'talk' dirty too.

P. Moonbeam: Oink oink oink

[Seaspook]

"bend them over and give it to them, fast and hard!"

I love it when you tak dirty Peace.

P. Moonbeam: All men are pigs.