Hari-Kerry

November 3, 2006

Berkeley, California

OMG, here we liberals are, cruising to an easy victory in recapturing both Houses, when John Kerry attempts a joke about Bush's stupidity. Unfortunately his own complete and total lack of intelligence negated his ability to tell the joke properly, and next thing you know the whole country's pissed off. That's just great. What is it with this guy, can't anybody in our party make him shut up until after the elections?

Look, we know John is an all-American hero for the part he played in turning public opinion against the Vietnam war in the 70s. We appreciate the fact that he's constantly brought to light the evil deeds of our military, and campaigned for pulling out of this war after he mistakenly voted us into it. He is obviously a man of integrity and honor, but every time he opens his mouth in the last couple of years, the conservatives have had a field day and the Democrats lose votes. Please, somebody make him be quiet until we get some people into office.

Everything had been going so well: Many of our candidates have been talking about "faith" and "values," words that really juice the hicks in middle America and NASCAR country. Of course all our candidates have been hammering Chimpy McHitler on the Iraq war, and just like in the 70s are starting to build a general feeling of hopelessness and despair in the American public that we can't win. Another winning strategy has been to point out how bad our economy is. As strange as it sounds, this has actually been working pretty good! It's kind of like saying, "It stinks in here" - even if it doesn't, half the people think they smell something. Fortunately, many of our supporters aren't exceptionally bright, so when we tell them the economy stinks, they smell it :)

The Democratic National Committee correctly identified that the sound of Nancy Pelosi's voice made people want to slit their wrists, so they told her to be quiet for the last several weeks leading up to the election, and she has. The same with Ted Kennedy, Howard Dean, Charlie Rangel, Barbara Boxer, Harry Reid, Chuck Schumer, Al Gore, and for the most part, they've clammed up. I understand the DNC even insisted that Ted Kennedy not drive anyone any place until after the polls close. But what about John Kerry? Is it too much to ask that the official boat anchor of the DNC zip his pie-hole for ONE FREAKING WEEK? If something like this happened in the GOP, Karl Rove himself would neuter the offender with a pair of nail clippers.

Where's our Karl Rove?

Comments

[Adolph from Cuba]

Oh I miss the old times when John only cared of smoking grass with his old buddies John Lennon and Jane "Hanoi"Fonda!
Attaboy!

P. Moonbeam: Sadly, John is the best thing that's happened to the Republican Party in years.

[syncrodox]

Peace

No worries my little hippie goddess. I recently recieved a load of GOLD from a mutual friend that I'll call BC to help me move a couple of tons of GREEN down south.

As you may or may not know some of those northern states are rather cold. We're gonna burn some bales of GREEN in front of the polling stations as well as handing out BROWNIES to comfort the voters (especially the old ones).

I figure a few minutes in the "smog"... a free brownie and some good old AG "scare the shit out of em" preaching and it's a lock.

Syncro

P.S. Tell Pepe if I have "anything" left over I'll swing down south to share the wealth.

P.P.S. Do you guys have those really big rolling papers?? If so get lots.......and some burritos...lots...

P. Moonbeam: Hi Syncrodox! Your plan sounds like a good one but I suggest you send me some brownies and green stuff so my Democratic National Party friends and I can make sure it is of decent quality. As you know, the DNC is known for its high standards and it's important these items meet these standards for highs.

[jarhead john]

Shut up Kerry? Hell no! He's the best weapon in the fight against the looney left! Let him keep spewing! I'm beyond being "offended" by this bumbling idiot; now he's just comical.

[Mark Johnson]

One of the best political blogs i came across in recent times.

My name is Mark Johnson, and I've been visiting your blog for past few months
I’m a recent UC Berkeley Political science grad and I along with some fellow Princeton alums have been working hard to launch our own internet startup called Rizzleweb.com.
Rizzleweb is basically an online political community where people can log on and write performance reviews\comments for congressmen, senators, the president, and various other local and state officials across the country. I was hoping that if it would not be too much trouble you could place a link of our site on your blog. If this is not possible (which we completely understand), we still hope you will check out our site, and post some reviews.
Your contribution will encourage us to put more effort in improving our website.
Mark Johnson
www.Rizzleweb.com
markjohnson2020@hotmail.com

[Purple Avenger]

hicks in middle America and NASCAR country

...and the left wonders why it has trouble winning elections...

[patty]

MMA Peace,
I keep forgetting to tell you how much I admire your very special writing techniques,I wish I were as well versed and educated as you are.
Take care and watch for those with ropes I hear they are gonna swing someone soon.
MPMMA

P. Moonbeam: Thank you Patty but you are being too kind. My special writing technique comes from not being a writer. Seriously.
Patrick Conlon is a real writer, I just tell dumb stories.
Also, I can tell by reading your blog that you are WAY more educated than me. I barely made it out of highschool!

[patty]

Oh Peace I must disagree with you on Kerry. He appears to be a DINO just look at how badly he handled his presidential election? He practialy handed the election to bush in 04.
Its no wonder to me that Dean screamed at the time. He was worried over Kerry and you know he can't just go public to the masses and admit Kerry is a Dino.
Kerry is definately the secret weapon of the GOP. I bet he is on the payroll of Bush himself.
The biggest mistake of the DNC is not outing these DINO's early on.
Blessings
MPMMA

P. Moonbeam: Hi Patty! That would explain the lunch dates with Karl Rove I guess.

[webloafer]

Only John Skerry would wear brown socks/hose with a blue suit.

[JR]

Well, it appears that the DNC has finally gotten Kerry into restraints. That really is too bad, he had more to say for us. You see, Karl Rove is still tweaking his mind control machine and it currently only works on weak minds like John Kerry's. Hmmm.. maybe the DNC will let Gore out of the basement before the 7th...

[jainphx]

Why can't Kerry talk about the stupidity of the Armed Forces,with out recriminations,after all he did advise us of the Jengis Khan group back in the day.Let him talk he's are secret weapon.

[Max]

I liked Kerry's comment, and his refusal to apologize to anyone. It shows you what a stand-up guy he really is. He's nothing if not consistent. It's really unfortunate that everyone else is too stupid to "get" his remark. He's really the brains of the Democrat Potty.

P. Moonbeam: He is constantly misunderstood, I agree.

[xtinct]

Excellent post...enjoyed it!!

P. Moonbeam: Thank you!

[John the Marine]

The only two good things about John Kerry are: His first name and the fact that he reminds the civilian population of what a bunch of; limp, wimpy, puke stain morons the Democratic Party is comprised of. Now, for blood and guts types like me that is no small service. After all, Iraq (not to mention Gitmo and Afghanistan) is the best game in town right now. As a matter of fact, in a round about way, you could say that the dim witted Senator is more responsible for prolonging the War than Karl Rove. So, even though I hate the scum sucking dirt bag, Senator Kerry that is, I have to say,"Good work; Limousine Liberal, traitor, hippie, 5th column, piece of sh...".

Oh, before I forget. I forwarded your request concerning Scoot's early release (also, the pathetic crap about the cutting the crust off his p & J sandwiches and the fabric softened undies) to my fellow Marines in Gitmo. After Gysgt. "Bone-Crusher" McCarthy stopped laughing and was able to wipe the tears from his eyes, he told me he would look into it for me. Now, don't get too excited. The Gunny is a good friend of mine, and said that he would do what he could. If I heard him right Scoots will have the edges cut off his underwear and fabric softener in his p & j sandwiches in no time. Oh, some bad news though. After flushing Scoots Koran down the crapper they gave him a swirly. Bone-Crusher always was the pratical joker type.

Enjoy the weekend Hippie traitors,
John the Marine out.

P. Moonbeam: Hello John. Thank you for contacting your sadistic soldier guard friends. Hopefully they will give Scooter the attention he deserves and not make him wear dog collars naked like they do so often. Also I would appreciate you re-visiting the issue of Scooter's food and clothing needs as I don't think your friends are handling them correctly.

PS: Tell all your soldier friends they're coming home as soon as the Democrats get into office :)