Scooter Goes To Hell

April 25, 2008

Yonkers, New York

OK, this was a weird week.

Scooter was totally despondent over being recently fired by Senator Obama. Drinking wine coolers like they were water, he became so obnoxious and surly I was ready to knock the snot out of him. At Cracker Barrel the other night he knocked an old lady into the ceramic cookie jars as he tried to get in front of her. When she protested, he smacked her across the face with one of those big strips of taffy, and got both of us ejected.

I decided the best thing for him to do was channel that negative energy into some positive protest, and as luck would have it, one of the most radical conservatives in the whole world had just arrived in New York - Pope Benedict XVI. We were off to Yonkers where we planned to picket the Pontiff at a big prayer bash/youth rally at St. Joseph Seminary.

We arrived early to get a good place on the sidewalk, and set up our pro-choice and pro-gay marriage signs. While we waited for the Pope to arrive, Scooter drank heavily and shouted anti-Pope slogans while I took a nap. Pretty soon the place was jammed with a bunch of hyperactive well-groomed Catholic kids and a bunch of news reporters.

Finally, at around 4:15 about a zillion police motorcycles roared up, followed by the glorified parade float that is the "Pope-mobile." As the Pope and his bodyguards came through the crowd, an extremely drunken Scooter hopped around and screamed like a maniac. Suddenly, in the midst of his profanity-laced rant, Scooter gagged a couple times then spewed like a pink volcano, finally collapsing in a fetid heap at the Pontiff's satin slippers.

What happened next was the weird part: the Pope pushed aside his bodyguards, fell to his knees next to Scooter, and placing his crucifix on Scooter's forehead, started chanting some Latin gibberish. Good grief, he thought Scooter was possessed! After thinking about it for a second I realized the old guy might be on to something. After several minutes of pious exhortations, Scooter slowly blinked open his eyes, looked up at the Pope with a sedate smile, then kicked the Pontiff in the nuts with both feet! Yikes!

Needless to say, the Pope's bodyguards beat Scooter unmercifully, then turned him over to the Yonkers police who continued to pound him with a spirited fervor usually reserved for pedophiles and mass murderers. Scooter's bail was set at $500K, and the whole story was stifled at the request of the Vatican.

All in all, we've maybe had more effective protests, but few this dramatic. It was a good day.

Comments

[Teresa]

Wm H, If I thought you actually had a millionzillion bucks, I would allow you to invest in my research project. It is very secretive, so I can't give you any actual details.
Since I doubt you have even half a millionzillion dollars, I'll probably have to make do with my big tax incentive rebate check (which I'll probably spend in a Canadian casino).

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P Moonbeam: Well, I guess that's that!

[Linda Blair]

"P Moonbeam: I think I'm going to be sick...." That makes four of us, me, you, WmH and Beelzebub.

Linda (Regan)

Oh yeah, don't forget, vist my website, I have a new movie coming out!!! WoooHooo!!!! I'm mostly the STAR!!! XXXOOO.

http://www.allisnormal.com/

PS, WmH, stop calling me you...you...something something!!!

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P Moonbeam: Ms. Blair, I apologize for those guys. they migrated from Scooter's pathetic site, now they're nested here like so many fleas...

[Wm H~World Famouse Cub Reporter]

Dang girl..that's what I'm dreaming of, Like I said in my last comment, are you up to heavy action with me. I got a few dollars left on my ATM card from my last Social Security Check, and Uncle Bush has promised to mail me a some kind of rebate check for $300.00 big ones. I'll make it worth your while. (you bring the wine)

P.S.
Eat your heart out Teresa, I found someone else to smoother with my affections.
(and to think, I was at one time willing to offer you a millionzillion bucks).

P.S.S. bet this make PeaceMoonbeam jealous. (she has the hots for me you know)

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P Moonbeam: I think I'm going to be sick....

[Linda Blair]

That wasn't my best day I want you to know, my limo driver was late, my hair wouldn't do anything, just got my per..er, never mind, couldn't get my acne to settle down, see what YOU look like after being possessed by Beelzebub for 10 days!!!

Linda (Regan)

Visit my website: www.lindablair.com
XXXXOOOOOO

BTW, here's what I look like when I've got everything pulled together: http://www.members.tripod.com/ericrover5/blair2.jpg

[Wm H~World Famouse Cub Reporter]

WoW Linda like I said, your one fine momma, I will carry this pix of you next to my heart till the end of time. Wantta go steady?

http://www.lindablair.com/galleries/Scrapbook/S_15.htm

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P Moonbeam: That's disgusting. Maybe I should have Scooter ban you. I would do it myself, but don't know how.

[Linda Blair]

Wm H, that is disgusting

Linda (Regan), oh yeah, visit my web site xxxxoooo.

http://www.lindablair.com/
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P Moonbeam: More disgusting drivel...

[Wm H~World Famouse Cub Reporter]

ALERT~ALERT~ALERT
CIRCLE THE WAGONS~Billary Rotten Klinton about to offer McCain his head on a plastic platter!

WASHINGTON - Hillary Rodham Clinton now leads John McCain by 9 points in a head-to-head presidential matchup, according to an Associated Press-Ipsos poll that bolsters her argument that she is more electable than Democratic rival Barack Obama. Obama and Republican McCain are running about even, well yeah I can see that......beings how they are rumored to be kinfolks.

Hopefully Ron Paul will show up on his silver shetland leading the 7th calvary in time to save us.

I don't need to sing to the choir, we all know how serious this is, where the hell is Scooter when you need him? PM said some rich dude posted his bail after kicking his holyness in ...........as if he realy has any, but where is he? I pray he he did not let the Poop talk him into being his traveling companion. Pepe claims his holyness is hung like a MO. mule......but I quess Scooter will find the holy grail he has longed for all these years.

By the way, anyone ever notice that offical metal poop hat his holyness wears at offical sindigs? read the logo on it then convert it to its numerical equasion............that right it computes to 666, but then you should have figured that out by the picture above.

[Wm H, smarter then the average bear.]

Hi Linda,

Being a fan of yours, I was wondering if you could give me some inside, behind the senses tips about that great move you **STASRED** in, you played the part outstandingly. Dang you were hot and kept me aroused throughout the entire flick. Oh, yeah back to the questions I wanted to ask...............was that real vomit you sprayed the preist with or green pea soup like Scooter said, and were you wearing underwear when you were making that bed bounch up and down? My favorate line was when you told that preist that his mama ..........in hell, I run around for weeks afterwards saying the to guys I worked.
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P Moonbeam: Oh, that's just disgusting....

[Linda Blair]

Having been somewhat close to several exorcisms at one time in my life, I’d like to say that the guy in that picture is beyond a doubt having a serious demonic meltdown. I know how he feels. Well, not exactly how he feels, I played a possessed girl in a movie, and that’s really like really living it. Really. The only diff between actually being a person having real experiences and being an actress playing that part, is that you get a bunch of money for acting (which your parents will manage to squander away before you can get your stinking paws on it), and you don’t get diddley squat for being the actual person going through the real pain, (oh, how boring to be one of those pathetic losers!). And also, you get to ride around in limousine and people call you maam and such, real cool!

Anyway, I suggest the old guy sprinkle some Holy Water on himself and say, like, fifty hail Mary’s and a lot of Our Fathers. In my case, a priest had to command the demon into himself and then he committed suicide, (I don’t suggest that, it was only a movie), and besides, I don’t think that guy in the picture is as whacked out as I was, er, the girl I played. By the way, who is he?

TA TA

Linda (Regan).

Oh yeah, come visit my site xxxoooo

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P Moonbeam: The guy in the picture is the Pontiff, the guy kicking the Pontiff in the stones is the possessed guy, Scooter
As it turned out, the only thing that was controlling Scooter was about a dozen wine coolers, which fortunately left him abruptly after he got arrested. The bad news is the cop he puked on beat him with a huge flashlight in return.

[jainphx]

You two guys are allied with the anti Christ aren't you. Come on you can tell us.
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P Moonbeam: Not unless the antiChrist is named Howard Dean...

[Wm H, smarter then the average bear.]

Heck HA that ain't nothing. I was excommunicated and bodily thrown out of a Catholic church for no valid reason other then asking if they had a larger glass while taking communion this morning, but then again, it could have had something to do with me asking that hot looking Nun if she was wearing underwear under her habit. Man I would have loved getting her alone in the confession booth, I was even gonna offer her a Snickers.

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P Moonbeam: That's disgusting.

[HygeneAl]

"The Mormons kicked you out? What, did you refuse to wear the Holy underwear or something?" Isn't that sad? I mean, I was doing pretty good, but then they said to me "I had to wear SPECIAL underwear", I thought I heard them say, "We think you are so special and we are going to give you some underwear”, I got so excited, I began hopping up and down so much my jeans fell off, well, I haven’t worn underwear since the eight grade, (don’t ask), and, well, you can imagine everyone’s embarrassment at the sight and we were all right there amongst the Temple Congregation, me, the Elders, and my bare butt. Then I overheard one of them say to another, quietly like, "The blasphemer definitely isn't our type, boot the uncivilized heathen from amongst us!"…and out on my skinny derriere I went!

So, I went and bought a pack of cigs and found the nearest coffee shop, the whole time wondering what it would have felt like to wear underwear again.

I still don’t know.

HA

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P Moonbeam: Anybody who doesn't wear underwear deserves to be excommunicated. In this case, I side with the Mormons.

[HygeneAl]

"I hope I don't go to "H E double hockey sticks" for that question", you're OK T, it's Ms. Beam that's gonna get brunt like a gasoline soaked roman candle for putting his graciousness in such a bad light. Ms. Beam, I suggest 10,000 hail Mary’s and about a billion Our Fathers, whatever they are, I'm a non-catholic, excommunicated Mormon, (really, they kicked me out of the Mormon church, can you believe that?), you can't expect me to know, but I can smell the odor of impending sulfur when the Mighty Judge is ticked off.

As far as what manliness the Pope has in his nether regions, he defied the Nazis', that's makes him man enough. ;)

HA.

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P Moonbeam: The Mormons kicked you out? What, did you refuse to wear the Holy underwear or something?
As far as His Awesomeness goes, I'm a big fan.

[jainphx]

That expression on the Popes face proves he has scrots. No human being can make it with out some sort of pain. The more I look at it the funnier it is.LOL

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P Moonbeam: It's definitely not one of the Holy See's best pics, I can see why the Vatican didn't want this publicized.

[Teresa]

If Scooter is out of jail, all is right with the world. Does the Pope have balls? I hope I don't go to "H E double hockey sticks" for that question, but Scooter's attack on the Pope made me wonder....

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P Moonbeam I think the Pope proved he has balls just by the fact he willingly got close to Scooter :)

[Wm H, smarter then the average bear.]

Damn you Scooter! You know my goal in life has been to kick the Poop in the gonads for what he order done to Linda Blair. Peace Honey, next time the poop is in town please take me as you protest pardner, unlike Scooter I can hold my moonshine, and promise not to wear flip-flops.

P.S.
I seen CMN and FOX NEWZ both did a story today claiming that only pedaphiles wear flip-flops when protesting a Popes vist in America when young boys are in attenances.

P.S.S.
Dand scooter you got some double ugly feet, need to wear socks next time....those toes are like barfville dude.

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P Moonbeam: I don't know about the rest of your drunken rant, but I agree, Scooter does have some ugly feet.

[jainphx]

Leave it to Scooter to over indulge, then make a complete ass of himself. If your taking up a collection to get his behind out, count me in I can spare a $1.85. Wait you got change for a C note, it seems to be the smallest I have.

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P Moonbeam: Thank you, but no need, another individual covered the bail. I can't tell you his name, but it's very similar to "George Soros."