Worship With Barack

April 11, 2008

Chicago, Illinois

I have to say, it's nice being back to work! I owe Senator Barack Obama a huge debt of gratitude for putting me on his staff as his personal assistant - I'm incredibly jazzed!

At first I was unsure which Democratic candidate I was going to support. Being an ardent feminist, my obvious choice was Senator Clinton as she's a little more like a female than Obama, but Barack's vague similarity to an Afro-American trumped that, what with all the white guilt I rightfully carry. Plus I really like the idea of "change" and a "new tomorrow," and "uniting the country," and other upbeat stuff he says that makes me feel good. Sayings like that clearly illustrate he's the most qualified candidate to lead this country through troubled times, and on top of that he's got a beautiful smile!

My first day on the job with Senator Obama was last Sunday, when I accompanied him and his bitchy wife to their quaint South Side Chicago church. The Obamas, like myself, don't much care for the old-time judgmental Jesus, but are just crazy about the new enlightened Black Jesus who loves abortion but hates America, especially ruthless slave masters like George Bush. Amen to that!

Even though I was the only white individual in the church, I felt right at home except for the comments of "Kill whitey" and "Whitey must die," etc. (I don't hold that against the minister, he was just making a sermon point). The only real negative thing was the incident in the ladies room where at knifepoint I was force to give "reparations" consisting of my purse, watch, and shoes. Oh well, at least now I feel like I've done my part to undo the injustice of slavery :)

All in all, I think the service brought me closer to God, but also pretty much made me hate myself. I don't think I'll go again.

Next time: Report from the campaign trail.

Comments

[HETFIELDCHIC]

OMG....you're back!!! Fantastic, just happened by in cleaning up favorites and there you are. Hope you had a nice vacation but nothing like Obama to bring in material.
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P Moonbeam: Hi HETFIELDCHIC! Thank you for your kind comments. I don't know how long I'll be back (as you can plainly see by this week's disgusting story, I'm already out of ideas), but I'll work it as long as possible.

[HygeneAl]

"my stripper girlfriends but they said it didn't work. Seems to be a number missing, yes?"

Dang, your right, thats Todd Davis's Social Security number, I've got to stop listening to the radio so much.

Try this: 202 456-1414

And remember, if it's HA, it's HOT!!!!

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PMoonbeam: Shouldn't that be "If it's HA, it's HAWT! tm"? Just a suggestion....

[Master Seceret Agent Man~Wm H]

I did spell it correctly. All you products of the public education system have been lied to by your gubbernut. Yes the Webster dictionary is wrong also. Trust me, it is spelled SECERET, there, now that you know the trurth, the gubbernuts fear you as they do me. There is nothing more dangerous then a smartazz conservative.
POWER TO US'N's

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PMoonbeam: Why do I imagine I hear a cuckoo clock while reading this?

[HygeneAl]

"Wmh, in order to be secret you must first learn to spell it. Other than that I think your top notch."

Oh, I don't know, I'm an American Gigalow, and I can't ever seem to spell it right. For all you ladies, my phone number is 457-55-5462. And I'm hot baby, r_e_a_l H__O__T.

HA

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P Moonbeam: I gave your number to all my stripper girlfriends but they said it didn't work. Seems to be a number missing, yes?

[jainphx]

Wmh, in order to be secret you must first learn to spell it. Other than that I think your top notch.

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P Moonbeam: That's going to leave a mark.... :)

[Master Seceret Agent Man~Wm H]

Before PM trys making an issue of it, yes I do know my right from my left! In the words of Billary, I mis-spoke, what I ment to say was 'top right'.

[Master Seceret Agent Wm H]

Helleo all you groupies and fans of mine,

While on my latest assignment as the Worlds greatest Master Seceret Agent Man, I was able to (with my super duper mini-spy camara) take the following photo of none other the PM in the buff, isn't she a darling.....and you thought she still looked like her photo top left taken back in the 60's. HAR HAR HAR!
http://amazinglyenough.blogspot.com/2008/04/hippy-girls.html#links

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P Moonbeam: Thank you for that.

[HygeneAl]

Wow, you all are being so nice, it makes me feel quilty, wonder what time the Trinity Church services start?

Like theres a chance...

HA

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P Moonbeam: Services start at 9:00. Don't go alone.

[jainphx]

It's been awhile. I wasn't aware that Wm H was promoted to master, that's what happens when your not paying attention. Hygene we're only pulling your wooden leg.

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P Moonbeam: Yes, we love you HA.

[HygeneAl]

I want change!
I want babies, who have never hurt anyone, to live.
I want swift justice for murderers.
I want righteousness to pour down like a river.
I want liberals to be held to the same standard they hold everyone else to.
I want the humble to be lifted up and the arrogant brought down.
I want Hillary to keep her thighs covered up.
And I want Bill to keep HIS thighs covered up.

Change, I'm all for it.

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P Moonbeam: HygeneAl, have you thought what would happen if righteousness poured down like a river? Do you have any idea how many puppahs and kittahs would drown in that kind of calamity?
Are you proposing we force arrogant people to hold up humble people? For how long? What if the humble people are fat - many of them are you know.
You really need to seriously think about some of this stuff....

[HygeneAl]

"I felt right at home except for the comments of "Kill whitey" and "Whitey must die," etc" Someone please tell me why the white half of Obama gets off the hook? Shouldn't Barak be sweating at least 50% during tirades like this? Shouldn't blacks only trust him half the time? Shouldn't he only get half of blacks votes? What this tells me is that blacks are truly color-blind. They are willing to over look his whiteness and follow him, (blindly?). So I say, lets not hold his color against him. Let's examine his character.
He stands in "across the board, blanket judgment" toward people that live in small towns because they:
Are bitter losers, without work and without hope.
Love and embrace God.
Love and have fun hunting and shooting.
Are racists toward Mexicans and Black people.

Yep, what we need is a college trained filthy rich, arrogant, baby hating, elitist, marxist to pull us out of our love for God, guns and our love of the land.

"B. Hussien. Obama FOR PRESIDENT, ~choke~

HA

McCain is looking better every day. Can America not produce anything better than this group? Where are the Jefferson’s, Lincoln’s and Reagan’s

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P Moonbeam: HA, you obviously aren't hungry for "change"

[Master Seceret Agent Wm H]

Peace honey,

Hope you don't mind me calling you honey, I mean after the love we shared last night and all.

Anyhow, I was thinking the place just don't seem the same without 1st to fight leaving and occasional incouraging comment to guild your brilliant post. So why not (I know you can get his email addy from Scooter)shoot him an email and let him know your back in the drivers seat. I mean like you being a woman and all that, he was man enough to stand by you even when you run off to preform in that donkey show down in Mexico and the rest...myself enclouded, dumped you. Gurl if only if you had been around to hear what Hygene Al and Scooter said about you.....But First2Fight and myself stood up and defended your honor.

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P Moonbeam: I'm telling you right now, when Scooter comes to work for us his first job will be banning you.

[Master Seceret Agent Wm H]

Hey Hygene,

Using my ACE Investi-gator Reporter skills, that I learned while working for that snot noose Scooter, I was able to find Terra's unlisted phone number. Since Scooter isn't about to give it to you, and most likey neither will PM, I am your only hope.

Place $2.34 in unmarked US legal tender in a Dunk'N Donut sack and leave it in the trash can next to the third street light behind the Pizza Inn near the car wash closest to your house. by midnight on Thursday of this week.

I will leave a note in it's place telling which stall at the bus station I wrote her # in.

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P Moonbeam: Wouldn't you be happier posting at Scooter's site?

[Hygene Al]

"P Moonbeam: In a perfect world, everyone should be shielded from someone named "Hygene"."

Hygene AND Moonbeam AND Scooter AND 1STtofight AND Wm H AND jainphx AND Obama AND Slithery Hillary....

HA

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P Moonbeam: Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch...

[jainphx]

I was just thinking! lets keep this new site on the QT, so as to not let 1STtofight know.

P Moonbeam: Just like flies always find a rotting corpse, so I'm sure 1sttofight will find this site,

[jainphx]

Teresa is a proper woman, who should be shielded from any one named Hygene.

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P Moonbeam: In a perfect world, everyone should be shielded from someone named "Hygene"

[Bubba]

Look at that, Wright is left handed. That theres a tip off right there that there's something wrong with him. And look it, he's got a picture of "black Jesus" in the sanctuary, LOL! Everyone knows Jesus wasn't black. He was a very pure white guy with an exceedingly fine tan. Don't these guys watch TV or go to the movies? Didn’t they see Heston in the Ten Commandments or Caviezel in the Passion? Jesus was pure white in both of them!!!

Some master of Doctrine this Wright is. What a joke.

Bubba Buzinski: Sergeant of Arms, Arian Nation (Arkansas division).

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P Moonbeam: The current Reverend of Trinity Church (pictured) isn't Wright, he retired.
Also, they're pretty sure Jesus was black. Unfortunately nobody has come up with any clear photos, so we can't prove he wasn't.

[HygeneAl]

Hey PM, can I call you PM? I'm HA. I followed your son (or nephew's) work, not sure what his relationship with you is. He only says nice things about you, pretty much, but I don't know that that is a good reflection of his character. He has a few colorful (and perhaps somewhat dangerous), people making comments on his blog and he never makes much of a serious attempt to run them off. For all his faults, he still thinks the internet is part of "free" America.

Could you perhaps get his girlfriends phone number for me. Her name is Teresa. I'm concerned for her safety and want to help her if I can.

HygeneAl

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P Moonbeam: Mr. Al, thank you for your comments. Unfortunately I have not been in contact with Scooter (my old assistant, not a relative), but there's a possibility he may join our effort in the near future. If I talk to him I'll try to get his girlfriend's number for you.

[jainphx]

I guess your right Oshama is for change, change my money into someone else's money, but I guess that's the best I can say about him/her.
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P Moonbeam: Well, at least it's change.....

[Wm H]

So what she is saying is, some of us will have to give up our piece of pie so that others can have TWO pieces of pie....... As a MARXIST, I'm sure Obama will demand the who damn pie for his brand of government. She did not say "so that someone else can also have a piece of pie. Peace my darling, now that your working close to this damn marxist, it will be easy for you pop a couple of caps in his commie azz. Do it for your country. I will use my blog to solicite donations and set up a 'Legal Defense Fund' for you.

Remember 'ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU~BUT ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY' I just made that up and wrote it on a paper table napkin.
~Wm H

Michelle Obama said: "The truth is, in order to get things like universal health care and a revamped education system, then someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that someone else can have more."

See:
Michelle Obama visits Harrisburg
http://www.charlotte.com/109/story/572303.html

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P Moonbeam: So what's the problem?

[jainphx]

Peace! How are you, I see your still alive, so glad. I thought Scooter did you in to get your web site. I mean who can trust someone named Scooter anyway. I thought all Women of the liberal persuasion would be in the SHILLERY"S corner, what made you go with OSHAMA.
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PMoonbeam: Hi jainphx! I guess I just have too much white guilt, plus Obama is going to change everything, and I like that.
On top of all that, I'm not absolutely sure Hillary is a real woman, if you know what I mean.
Nice to hear from you!

[Ace Cub Reporter Wm H]

Hi darling,

Good to see you back. Sorry about trying to force myself on you last night, I understand headaches can be a pain in in the ...

Since you let Scooter try his hand at reporting the site was pretty much gone to pot, I worked my buns off trying to keep it afloat (check out all the cool stuff I reported in the archives), Scooter and HA Al, just sux'd as reporters. But with you back at the helm and cracking the whip (o'yeah beat be some more, yeah that's it, less on my back and more to the butlocks, o'baby yeah that's it) I know all the old group will drift back, and maybe even the G-man will take notice and give you a plug on his talk show (that is if he is still alive, so many have died of bordom since you left to work the Mexican donkey circut last year), but I know things will be as the once were........Damn......I'm getting all aroused just thinking about you. Be right back in 2-3 seconds, need to turn off the monitor so you don't watch.

Any how, welcome back home, and if you get over the haedache, I'm here, ready, able, and willing to scratch your itch.

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PMoonbeam: Now I know why Scooter quit.

[Marty]

Just surfed by, and there you are!! So glad to see you and hope the rest of the gang shows up soon.

Fantastic that you're advising Obama (I might vote for him just because he's "Best Dressed" (Doesn't Hill know CoCo Chanel is dead?) Kudos to her plastic surgeon though.

Don't you have a book in the works? How's Scooter?
Remember, in all ethnic places of worship, it's important to return a look, but a look too long is considered a STARE, and will get you in trouble FAST!
Stay safe and healthy. We all love you. Marty

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PMoonbeam: Hi Marty, nice to hear from you!
It's official, you're the only person on earth aware of this post :)