Damage Control

April 18, 2008

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Wow, what a week! Who would guess everyone would go so crazy over Senator Obama's comments about the middle class "clinging to religion and guns" in their bitterness over the economy? I suppose the answer to that question would be "everybody." Even a retarded yak knows you don't diss the average hick American's guns or God, but what can I say, for all his charisma and charm, Barack Hussein basically has the IQ of a piece of toast. Fortunately, one only has to look at George Bush to see that intelligence isn't an absolute prerequisite to be President of the United States.

Our group quickly mobilized to shunt the negative effects of our candidate's well-meaning-but-moronic comments. The first thing I did was bring in my longtime friend and assistant, Scooter Van Neuter. Scooter's job was to put together a small town meeting in rural Pennsylvania where Senator Pinhead could interact in a folksy way with regular middle class Americans, thus showing he wasn't a foreign-born, Harvard educated, blue-blooded elitist politician.

Last night the Senator and I arrived at the town hall in Frackville, Pennsylvania. Scooter had done a good job selecting this little backwater dirthole and also notifying the press - you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a reporter. We entered through the back door and Scooter took the Senator into the bathroom for makeup and a change of wardrobe. I went into the meeting room and took a seat.

Once my eyes adjusted to the glaring news lights, I about wet myself: The small group of townspeople Scooter had rounded up appeared to be illegal immigrants and transients! Most were holding Bibles, wearing guns, and all were dressed like they just stepped out of Hee Haw. Holy Moses smell the roses! When Senator Obama made his entrance wearing nothing but overalls, an NRA cap, and a huge rhinestone-studded crucifix, I almost barfed. While I understand the symbolism Scooter was going for, the outfit pretty much made Obama look like a hillbilly pimp, if there could be such a thing. Everything went downhill from there.

Thankfully, the meeting lasted just ten minutes, as only two "townspeople" could speak English and they were both drunk and belligerent. Senator Hayseed gave a quick speech about his childhood "growing up in the country," where his only companions were "My trusty six-shooter and Jesus Christ." The whole thing was a freaking disaster and we got the hell out of there as fast as possible. Just outside of town Hussein fired Scooter and me, then left us on the side of the road holding five dollars and an NRA cap.

Frankly I guess we shouldn't complain, we signed on for "change" and walked away with folding money, which is more than we'd probably get from a Republican.

Comments

[Teresa]

Yahoooooo, You're back!!!!! And Scooter is still alive and kicking or something!!!! I'll finally have some trustworthy information about this whacky, highly entertaining election!
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P Moonbeam: Hello Teresa, I'm glad to see you are alive and presumably unharmed by the gaggle of felons and sex offenders populating Scooter's pathetic site. Stay here, you'll be safe :)

[Wm H, smarter then the average bear.]

Peace Honey,

Please inform Obama that not everyone of your readers want 'CHANGE'. In fact I think none of us do, except fpr those referred to by Mark Twain when he said, "the only one that wants 'CHANGE' is a wet baby".

P.S.
Stay brave Teresa, HA is coming to rescue you.
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P Moonbeam: You want change, you're just not willing to admit it.

[HygeneAl]

"I ask you, is there anything more wonderful than to watch 2 selfish, self centered, unworthily rich, elitists pulverize each other into unrecognizable pulp? hehe."

YES!!!!

The Lady made out of carbonite DID IT, (with the help of 300,000 Rush listeners, hehe)!!! She is still ALIVE, to the great enjoyment and entertainment of all of us political junkies that just can't get enough of watching a hair pulling, clothes taring, girl fight, hehe..er, sorry. I love it. BHO said he's nearly decided there may not be any more debates, wanna bet? When the carbonite lady starts to bait this "richer than thou" elitist, she'll find a nerve and give it a good poke. I can hear her now, "What' the matter you big eared cry baby sissy? Can't stand being beat up by a girl', (that's a stretch; she hasn't been a girl since battle for middle earth took place). He is ultra sensitive to name calling concerning his ears and his bravery...note to self, if he becomes President, don't let Al-Quita find out about this.

Let the games continue...

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P Moonbeam: I agree HA, it's an old fashioned slap-down of the first magnatude. Let's hope this goes to the convention floor!

HA

[Wm H, all around ladies man]

HA, maybe PM could get in touch with Pepe and the three of you could snatch Teresa from the clutches of that sex preditor. If you guys are succesful, Teresa would need to be debriefed, after being brainwashed by Scooter, before you misinterpet what I said, by debrief, I do not mean to remove her panies as I'm pretty sure she wears mens fruit of the looms anyway.

I will call my friend Dr. Phil and see if he can do the debriefing on the Oprha Show. Let me know if you decide you realy want her bad enough go after her, I hear Scooter is using his old travel trailer as a forified compound, so you may need to borrow some heavey artilary from 1st2flee.

[HygeneAl]

9 hours to D-Day (Penn. Demo. Prim.)
I ask you, is there anything more wonderful than to watch 2 selfish, self centered, unworthily rich, elitists pulverize each other into unrecognizable pulp? hehe.

I know why now, I didn't come up with this, but I believe it to be true. I heard it from a caller on Rush's show. Hillary has pretended for at least 2 months she can win this thing. She knows she can't. She isn't totally stupid, demonically oppressed, yes, but not totally stupid. She is a realist. So why continue? What's the point? To leave Obama so damaged it will be impossible for him to win the general election and no one in the Democrat Party gets a second chance at the Presidency. She WANTS McCain to win. Her chance will come 4 years from now when she will be the undisputed nominee.

Hi Teresa!! BTW Ms. Beam, Teresa is a lovely lady who wants to have her way with me but she just doesn't know how to ask. She used to go to The Scooter Report alot in hopes of reading my comments and I tried to never disappoint her.

HA

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P Moonbeam: HA, nobody ever said 'change' would be easy or tidy.
Concerning Teresa, Scooter said she has absolutely no interest in you, although he also said she doodles your name on the note pad when she's talking on the phone. It's obvious this really bothers him. A lot.
Ta.

[Important Campaign Reporter~Wm H]

http://bp2.blogger.com/_TqtGNnzte6o/SAjbJTVv2MI/AAAAAAAABGM/AvlVe7HAyKE/s1600-h/Want+Money.bmp

I think Scooter may have come up with a great money making idea. Lets see, I need to make a sign, find my cleanest dirty cloths, a benny, and some shoe polish for a fake beard, check..got it covered. I will say goodnight to everyone cause I plan to get up early and find me a good intersection to work this scam tommrow myself.

P.S.
Peace honey, would you bring be a large coffe (black) and a few of thos e sauagse eggs with cheese from McDonalds on your way to Ma Jumpers Kat House?

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P Moonbeam: Does this mean you're going to quit your job at the car wash?

[Important Campaign Reporter~Wm H]

Ok peace time to come clean. The way I heard it, Obama's ho/wife/whatever tossed you off the bus after she caught you and Obama togeather in the restroom doing the nasty, and Scooter got the boot when he tried to over charge for the NRA cap.

See there, you feel better already, the truth will set you free. Oh yeah, Jesus said he loves you.

P.S.
Hope you hurry down to the free clinic and get yourself checked out, and let the Senetor know if you passed anything on to wife.

P.S.S.
In the words of G.W. "I'm proud to see so many other intelligent people doing as I once did and run for president".

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P Moonbeam: Obama's wife probably did play a part in all this - she just didn't seem to like me or my hotness.

[jainphx]

who would have thunk it, Oshama is actually a hick. How did you happen to get home? I really feel sorry for you. I mean stranded in the back woods with Hooter, I mean Scooter. Didn't he in his Muslim incarnation try to kill you?

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P Moonbeam: Thankfully, Scooter is over that little phase, although his use personal hygene still leaves a lot to be desired.

[HygeneAl]

Hey PM. Sorry to hear about your short-lived employment with BO, but it may have been the hand of the LORD. You'd be amazed how many diseases’s float and creep around in a democrat campaign bus lying in wait for the foolish and innocent. Nasty and dangerous, read below:

One Yale researcher used a Kerry bus after the 04' campaign for research and didn't take the necessary proper precautions. It wasn't long before other Yale researchers were doing research on him! Yep, cold as ice. Pushing up daisies. Room temperature. They never discovered the cause of death, but he had a huge rash on the rear part of his nether region in the shape of a kneeling donkey. Yep, a jack ass on his...buns!! BTW, I read that in the National Enquirer while standing in line at the supermarket purchasing a bottle of Jack Dan..er milk.

So, thank the LORD for His sweet intervention and protection. Oh, and say hi to the Scoot man for me, I lov...er.. LIKE that guy!! In a manly sort of way, of course. I’m not too worried about him catching anything, he once had a Hispanic friend that he saved from utter destruction that carried, (in my humble opinion), every disease known to man and some diseases man has yet to discover. If Scooter can live through that, he can live through anything.

HA

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P Moonbeam: I don't know anything about that stuff, but I do know Barack's wife was really giving me a lot of serious stink-eye, and I wouldn't underestimate her influence on the whole situation.