September 23, 2006
New York, New York
I went to New York City this week so I could protest against Bush, and show support for Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as they all arrived to speak at the United Nations. These foreign leaders epitomize the strongest challenge to W and his attempts to conquer the world, so I wanted to cheer them on.
Imagine my excitement when I was invited by a very influential Democrat to a private cocktail party held to honor the visiting presidents at a very swanky New York hotel! I wish Scooter could have been with me and seen these two defenders of truth, as well as some of our country's most prominent Democrats. Someone said George Soros paid for the whole thing, but whoever did, they didn't scrimp: Cristal champagne, caviar, lots of little bean burritos for Hugo (he eats like four at a time), and copious amounts of goat potstickers for Ahmadinejad and his uni-browed entourage.
The evening was very enjoyable. After more than a few drinks, both presidents captivated us with their uncanny and hilarious impersonations of Bush. Hugo got things rolling by walking around like a cowboy and in broken English shouting, "Wares dose evildoers?" while we all cracked up. But it was Ahmadinejad, or "Jad Man" as he asked to be called, who brought down the house when he grabbed a butter knife, pushed Hugo to floor, and acted like he was cutting his head off while shouting praises to Allah! It was pure comic genius, and Senator Kennedy laughed so hard he blew vodka out his nose. Yeehaw! The moment was somewhat spoiled when Howard Dean, jacked up on tequila, got lost in the moment and viciously started kicking the crap out of Hugo until the president's bodyguards pulled him away. After Joe Biden explained that Hugo wasn't really Bush, Dean calmed down and was later found passed-out in a hotel dumpster.
Things really kicked into high gear as the Dixie Chicks rocked the house. Away from his country's mullahs, Jad Man wasn't afraid to cut loose on the dance floor. The Iranian Dance Machine dirty-danced with Hillary Clinton while Hugo got down with a solo hip-hop routine that pretty much consisted of him doing the robot and grabbing his crotch - not technically brilliant, but he moved well for a large socialist.
All in all it was a great party and we all had a good time. Far from being hostile toward Americans, It was obvious the two presidents were very fond of their Democrat guests, something vividly illustrated when I accidentally walked in on them passionately cavorting with Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer in the upstairs bathroom. I was glad to see that they don't just talk a good liberal game, but live it in the spirit of that greatest leader or all time, Bill Clinton. Oh that our president Bozo were half the men these guys are.