Scooter's Report

CBS News Calls Obama Administration Liars

NEW YORK (SR) - CBS News, a close ally of the Obama administration, is the latest to report on the gathering controversy over the White House's claim that their stimulus plan has saved or created between 160,000 and 1.5 million jobs.

Among several examples given of how the administration had exaggerated or outright fabricated the optimistic numbers was a Cocoa, Florida childcare center that reported 129 jobs created by a stimulus grant. In fact, no jobs were created, as the money was really used to increase the compensation and benefits of 129 existing employees.

In another example, over $400,000 paid out to prostitutes over the last three months by government employees was listed as having created over 10,000 jobs in the Washington DC area. An Obama administration source claims the statistic is "absolutely correct," saying the money went "exclusively for bl*wjobs."

The White House has admitted there may be some errors in their tabulation, but insists that "the success of the stimulus plan is not really dependent on the number of jobs created or saved, but rather how effectively the money is being spent."

My comments: There's nothing to say other than "margarita anyone?"

Bad Scary

Editorial by Scooter Van Neuter

(Scooter's Report) - OK, so it's Halloween and time for much of the populace to revel in dark and scary things, because I guess raging unemployment, failing wars, skyrocketing foreclosures, and our society's rapid slide toward atheism and Marxism aren't scary enough.

While I'm personally not into Halloween (I'm a Thanksgiving/Christmas person), I appreciate a good scare as much as anyone. I like some horror movies, have always been a big Stephan King fan, and have even paid money to have people scare me in haunted houses over the years. These things are "good scary."

On the eve of what I'm sure is her favorite holiday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on Thursday resurrected from the dead a foul and bloated entity that if adopted, will seize my family and control our very lives, regardless of any desire we may have to be free of it. Once alive nothing can kill it, and as sure as day leads to night this mutating leviathan will cost this country trillions of dollars it does not have, and far worse, take countless human lives while doing so.

Ghosts and zombies are one thing, this health care monster and the Godless beings that created it are something else: Bad scary.

Taxpayers Paid $24K For Each Clunker

(Scooter's Report) - A prominent automotive site has determined that the government's Cash for Clunkers program actually generated sales of only an additional 125,000 cars out of the 690,000 sold, resulting in an overall net cost to taxpayers of $24,000 per car (!)

In order to determine whether these sales would have happened anyway, Edmunds.com automotive analysts looked at sales of luxury cars and other vehicles not included under the Clunkers program, and concluded that the vast majority of cars sold during the program would have been sold anyway before the end of this year.

Bill Adams, spokesman for the Department of Transportation, defended the Obama administration program, saying, "Hey, we helped dealers move a butt-load of cars, the cost thing doesn't really matter, we're the government."

A spokesman for a large automotive dealers association also strongly defended the program, but suggested next time the government just purchase the new cars for customers to save time and accounting costs.

My comments: I ponied up part of the 24 grand for my neighbor's new Honda? I'm going next door to demand my own set of keys (after a few margaritas, of course).

 

My stupid neighbor selfishly guards her (and my) new car

White House Rewards Top Donors

WASHINGTON (SR) - During his first nine months in office, President Obama has quietly rewarded scores of top Democratic donors with VIP access to the White House and lavish gifts.

One top donor described in an interview being given a birthday visit to the Oval Office and being allowed to carve his name into the Presidential desk. Another was allowed the use of the Presidential limousine for his son's prom night. Sources say the most popular gift for many high level financial supporters of the Obama campaign has been the free abortion/wine tasting package.

The biggest "reward" event so far was the lavish White House reception for 39 top donors, bundlers ($300K total), and hundreds of their friends on St. Patrick's Day, where the fountains on the North and South Lawns were filled with champagne dyed green, and a pile of "too old" White House furniture was transformed into a large bonfire on the East Lawn. Kanye West and Ludacris provided the entertainment, and police records show 19 people were arrested.

My comments: Wow, I feel like I was shortchanged! All I got for my $200 donation was a photo of Michelle in a thong! (So far no amount of delicious margaritas has been able to wipe that image from my memory. I must try harder...)

Top Obama donors and friends party at the White House

Climate Chief Blasts Farts

(SR) - Leading authority on global warming, Lord Stern of Brentford, warned that unless there is a dramatic decrease in farting, the earth as we know it is doomed.

In an interview with The TImes, Lord Stern said that people will need to turn vegetarian if the world is to conquer climate change, citing the fact that emissions from cows and pigs create a significant amount of greenhouse gases.

Lord Stern, the author of the influential 2006 Stern Review on the cost of tackling global warming, said that eradicating delicious farm animals is only the first step: "We must bear down on farts," Stern sternly warned. "For example, Rosie O'Donnell and two bean burritos could effectively melt an inch of arctic ice and kill at least one polar bear. This must stop."

My comments: For all his sissy-boy titles, this putz is a moron. Here's my plan: Mix a little Beano in with the cow and pig feed and kill Rosie O'Donnell. World saved.

Thank God margaritas aren't a major contributor to climate change, let's have some while we grill some steaks.

 
 

White House / Fox News War Heats Up

WASHINGTON (SR) - The White House fired another salvo at the Fox News Network Monday morning when Senior Advisor David Axelrod issued a statement accusing the network of "totally fabricating everything they've ever reported concerning anything having to do with Barack Obama or members of his administration." The statement also claims Sean Hannity, the host of a popular Fox News program, is "very possibly a reincarnated convicted pedophile and animal abuser."

While Fox News has yet to issue a formal response to the White House's charges, the network's lead story this morning reports on allegations from an undisclosed Obama administration insider that David Axelrod has been involved in a "drug-fueled" three-way affair with White House Communications Director Anita Dunn and an unidentified bi-sexual porn star, and that Dunn is "likely" pregnant with a child by one of the men.

Fox is also quoting an unnamed source as saying White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel may "conceivably" be the son of the notorious Nazi, Dr. Josef Mengele, known as the "Angel of Death." The story alleges a young Rahm Mengele conducted sadistic experiments on natives in Brazil with his father, before being smuggled into the United States by prominent Democrats and given a new identity.

The White House is expected to respond to these allegations later today.

My comments: Holy Pope-on-a-rope! Just when you think you know somebody!
It's going to take more than a few delicious margaritas to get the picture of Axelrod and Dunn naked together out of my head!

 

Young Rahm Mengele/Emanuel?

Obama Calls Cheney "Mean Bully"

WASHINGTON (SR) President Obama appeared to be near tears when he told reporters Friday morning that former Vice President Cheney's recent critical comments did not bother him.

"The former Vice President is free to think whatever he wants, but personally attacking me, when I've never done one bad thing to him, is just mean," the President said with a cracking voice and watering eyes. "He's mean and he's a bully and he just needs to stop. Please make him stop."

The President's comments were in response to Cheney's speech Wednesday night where he verbally kicked Obama in the testicles, accusing him of "dithering" with critical troop decisions, repeatedly questioning the President's masculinity, and making fun of First Lady Michelle's "gigantic commie back porch." 

The White House later insisted the President was not crying, but simply suffering from an allergic reaction to criticism.

My comments: I do believe Cheney maybe went a little too far when he called the President a "little girl," but the rest was pretty much right on. Un-bunch your panties and grow a pair if you don't want to get picked on, Mary.

Former Vice President Cheney's taunts provoke President Obama to tears

Zombies In The Obama Administration?

WASHINGTON (SR) - Among the nation's pressing issues - wars, raging pandemics,  economic calamity, health care reform, etc., by far the biggest story of the day revolves around the question "What the hell is wrong with Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius's face?"

Sebelius appeared Wednesday before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee to answer questions concerning the government's H1N1 flu preparations, but the hearing was quickly canceled when many of the senators were too distracted by her bizarre appearance to continue.

Despite some reports that Sebelius recently had a minor surgery on her forehead, several senators expressed fears that she had actually mutated into a zombie-like creature, possibly due to exposure to the H1N1 virus or vaccine. "I had no idea the flu thing was this bad," said an obviously shaken Illinois Senator Roland Burris, "but I'll tell you this, somebody needs to whack that b*tch before she starts eating brains."

My comments: I saw Sebelius on TV  and she absolutely scared the crap out of me. Nothing short of a full-blown zombification could produce a face like that. Thank God for margaritas!

Sebelius now a  zombie? You decide.

House Dems Seek To Rename Public Option

WASHINGTON (SR) - House Democrats are looking at re-branding the public health insurance option as something else, in an attempt to make it more attractive to the American public.

Many Democrats favor re-naming the public option as a variant of Medicare, a program the public is already comfortable with. Suggested names are "Medicare Gone Crazy" (Medicare Part GC), "Medicare But Not Really" (Medicare Part NR), or "Medicare For Morons" (Medicare Part M).

Other Democrats believe the public option would be easier to sell with a name suggesting something more appealing than insurance. A few suggestions put forth are "Zest," "Fresca," "Ferrari," and House Member Barney Frank's choice, "Anal Delight."

The strategy could benefit Democrats struggling to bridge the gap between liberals in their party, who want the public option, and centrists, who are worried it would drive private insurers out of business.

My comments: Hey, you change the name of this steaming pile of socialist pony-loaf from "public option" to "Ferrari," and I'll take some!

 

Congressman Barney Frank promotes "Anal Delight"

Poll Shows Californians Hate Pelosi With A Passion

BERKELEY (SR)  - A poll released over the weekend shows that only 34 percent of Californians approve of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's job performance, and even a majority of those people would like to see the politician ripped apart by rabid weasels.

The study, conducted by the Field Research Corporation, also showed that 44 percent of the respondents disapproved of her job performance while 22 percent held no opinion, but both groups said they would pay money to see Pelosi filleted like a trout, then set afire.

Democrats overwhelmingly approved of Pelosi's performance by a count of 51-23, but that number was reduced to 25-23 when substance abusers and/or the mentally retarded were factored out.

Republicans overwhelmingly disapproved of her performance: 7 percent approved, 79 percent disapproved, 14 percent said they held no opinion, and all said they would give everything they own to see Pelosi tormented by a gang of Jehovah Witnesses while being sexually abused by giant hamsters, then deep fat fried and fed to bloated, ill-tempered toy poodles.

The study polled 1,005 Californians by phone from Sept. 18 to Oct. 5.

Comments: Wow, she's more popular than I thought! Let's toast crazy Aunt Nancy's popularity with a cool, delicious margarita!

 

White House Commits To War Effort

WASHINGTON (SR) - After weeks of what some have called foot-dragging, President Obama has pledged to commit whatever resources are needed to defeat the enemy.

In a statement read by White House Press Secretary Robert GIbbs to reporters Monday, President Obama said he "could no longer sit idly by as an emboldened and savage foe attempts to erode our hard-fought gains." Gibbs said the President is "prepared to invest whatever manpower and money is needed to decisively win this war."

While Democrats cheered the President's move, most Republicans were outraged. Congressman Joe Wilson called Obama's declaration of war against Fox News "mind-numbingly idiotic" and implored the President to commit the same energy and resources to defeating our real enemies overseas, saying, "Even an ex-crackhead community organizer from Chicago should identify the Taliban as a more serious threat than Megyn Kelly."

My comments: It's nice to see the President finally ready to fight an enemy - too bad it's a TV station. Maybe the Taliban should start covering Barry's health care proposal.

I suggest we have a margarita and try to not to think about this too much.

115 Girls Pregnant at High School

CHICAGO (SR) - Incredibly, 115 out of the 800 girls attending Chicago's Robeson High School are pregnant. Parents and school administrators are looking at underlying factors in the community that may be responsible.

Despite classes dealing with abstinence and birth prevention, the number of girls getting pregnant continues to increase at an alarming rate. Many point to the number of absentee fathers at home as a key factor, along with a lack of communication between parents and teens. "It can be a lot of things that are happening in the home or not happening in the home, if you will," said on teacher.

While high teen pregnancy rates are not that uncommon in some depressed inner city areas, The Englewood community where Robeson High is located is better than many, thanks primarily to area renewal efforts spurred by former President Bill Clinton establishing his new Midwest office next door to the high school earlier this year. 

My comments: Is it just me or does it seem like nothing but bad news comes out of Chicago? It's almost like the city is some kind of gateway to Hell or something...

Let's enjoy a delicious margarita and be glad we're not in Chicago.

Robeson students visit Clinton's new office

Jihadis In The House!

WASHINGTON (SR) - This morning Republican members of the Congressional Anti-Terrorism Caucus held a news conference calling for an investigation into Muslim non-profit groups suspected of infiltrating Congress.

Rep. Sue Myrick, R-N.C., says the new book "Muslim Mafia - Inside the Secret Underworld That's Conspiring to Islamize America" ties the allegations to an internal memo by CAIR, the Council on American-Islamic Relations. An investigative team unearthed the January 2007 memo outlining CAIR's plans to place Muslim interns in congressional offices for the purpose of influencing House members.

A spokesman for CAIR accused the Anti-Terrorism Caucus of promoting anti-Muslim stereotypes, and threatened to "cut out their tongues and eat them."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi also angrily denounced the news conference, saying it amounted to "little more than conservatives hating non-Christians and Jews." Pelosi praised her Muslim interns and called for Myrick and others seeking an investigation to have their "filthy infidel heads cut off."

Late Breaking: Immediately following Pelosi's news conference, one of her interns apparently exploded, killing a Fox News cameraman.

My comments: That does it, I'm booting my intern, Hujib, before I find myself licking carpet and building dirty bombs in my basement!

First let's praise Allah while we mix up some delicious margaritas!

 

 

Pelosi blasts anti-CAIR allegations

Putin Bitch-Slaps Clinton, Obama

BEIJING (SR) - In yet another move by Russia to minimize U.S. influence, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton left Moscow after receiving a resounding "nyet" to White House pleas for sanctions against Iran.

Meanwhile, speaking to reporters in Beijing after an impromptu trip there to duck a meeting with Clinton, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin warned the major powers against imposing sanctions against Iran, calling any such action "premature."

In a statement some foreign policy experts construe as a possible veiled threat toward the current U.S. administration, Putin also said his country "reserves the right to strike preemptively with nuclear weapons against any adversary, especially those named 'Obama.'"

The White House was quick to dispel any connection with Putin's statement, saying in a released statement, "We have only the highest respect for our Russian friends and know that feeling is mutual."

My comments: Wow, as if making Barry abandon our Eastern European allies wasn't bad enough, now Vladimir won't let him bother Iran, lest he becomes a sheet of glass. I guess Putin knows a pussy when he sees one...

Let's have a margarita while we calculate the fallout patterns from the Washington area!

 

Putin                                              Pussy

Jesse Jackson Rides Chicago Bus, Lives

CHICAGO (SR) - In order to draw attention to teen violence in Chicago, the Rev. Jesse Jackson accompanied Fenger High School students Tuesday morning on their bus ride from the Altgeld Gardens public housing development to school.

This inner city area has been a hotbed of violence between students of Fenger and Carver High Schools, and resulted in the much-publicized beating death of a young man last month.

During the short bus ride, the Rev. Jackson advised the young people to stay in school and get an education so they too can one day shake down corporations for millions with race-baiting legal threats. "Remember, you are all victims and somebody owes you a lot of money," Jackson reportedly told the students.

Upon arriving at Fenger High, the Rev. Jackson was greeted by reporters and community officials. After taking an offering, Jackson gave a brief speech while being treated by EMTs for minor stab wounds reportedly suffered during the ride. Chicago police are investigating the cause of Jackson's injuries as well as accusations from a number of students on the bus that Jackson robbed them - a charge Jackson's people strongly deny.

My comments: Wow, lucky for those students they didn't own any large companies that weren't at least 50% black - they'd really be hurting!

Hey, it's after 8:00 AM, who wants a delicious margarita?

Al Gore: "Climate Out Of Control"

NASHVILLE (SR) - Al Gore said Monday that plummeting temperatures worldwide are an indication that our climate has become dangerously unstable.

Gore, former Vice President and world's preeminent climatologist, told shivering reporters outside his frozen Nashville home that "green" practices may have reversed global warming a bit too much. "While I'm relieved we've apparently stopped global warming, we must now take urgent steps to reduce global cooling before it's too late, like using regular light bulbs, occasionally driving big-ass SUVs, and maybe burning our garbage in our yards," he said.

Gore also cautioned that certain areas of the country like Arizona and Florida are "still pretty warm" and urged citizens in those areas to walk to work and use CFL light bulbs wherever possible.

My comments: Holy cow, now we've really screwed things up! This is what happens when you take lifestyle directions from someone with the IQ of a birdbath....

Let's warm up over a few margaritas while Al straightens this thing out.

 

Al Gore declares the end of global warming

Obama Awarded Peace Prize - Here's How

OSLO (SR) - In the wake of the controversy generated by President Barack Obama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, we have obtained exclusive information outlining the behind-the-scenes factors that resulted in his being chosen.

The following is purported to be a transcript of a Nobel Prize Committee internal memo outlining the compelling reasons for President Obama's nomination as well as an unidentified judge's personal remarks:

________________________________________________

Reasons To Award United States President Barack Obama

• He is the first half-white President of the United States. This is an inspiration to all half-white people everywhere. Too bad about the ears though.


• He is diligently working for peace. Thank God liberals hate wars and don't mind losing them. Obama is definitely about to cut and run from Afghanistan (but hopefully not before another few hundred yanks get smoked) and Iraq is close behind. 
  
  
• He has improved the world's opinion of his country. Not since Nobel Peace Prize winner Jimmy Carter has any U.S. president so eloquently admitted how evil and wrong the U.S. really is. This guy is one of us :)


• His actions have lifted many out of poverty. Through his ties with ACORN who knows how many crackheads today draw a paycheck instead of stealing from regular people like us? Also these crackheads register voters and despise conservatives - how sweet is that?
  


• His economic policies are making the world a better place. No President since Jimmy Carter has done more to stamp out capitalism in the U.S.. Who doesn't want to see U.S. citizens flooding Mexico looking for work? hehehehe :P


• He is married to Michelle. This is reason enough to give this poor guy an award and a ton of cash! Yikes!

Conclusion:
The final point gives Obama the edge over Chavez. Let's do Chavez next year.

________________________________________________

My comments: Let's have a few margaritas while we ponder what kind of retarded douche bags would award a "peace prize" to the likes of Yasser Arafat...

The edge, fellow Nobel winner, next year's winner?

Obama Calls Military Morale "Best Ever"

WASHINGTON (SR) - President Obama reacted Thursday to published accounts claiming military morale in Afghanistan is plummeting, saying morale has improved under his administration.

"Like a parent who doesn't care, my predecessor was quick to entertain every whim of the commanders in the field, giving them a false sense of empowerment but in reality degrading overall morale by denying these commanders and their forces the character building and sense of accomplishment that can only come through adversity and need," Obama said in a recorded statement played for reporters.

"My administration has brought the one thing the U.S. military needed most, and that thing was hope," the President continued. "Additional troops and armament may have a place in war, but the most powerful force we wield is hope. I can tell you, I've never seen more hope from a commander and his troops than what I'm seeing now from Gen. McChrystal and his brave forces struggling to contain the enemy in Afghanistan."

Obama concluded by saying, "I've met with many of our brave warriors and I've yet to see one not smiling when he or she shakes my hand - it's obvious their morale has never been better, ever."

My comments: Well, there you go. Let's toast our courageous Commander-in-Chief and all the brave men and women in uniform with a delicious peach margarita!

Gen. McChrystal hopes for reinforcements, Obama gauges troop morale

Dirty Sex Good For NBC

WASHINGTON DC (SR) - NBC has found illicit sexual misconduct and adultery is a winning formula for attracting viewers as evidenced by The Late Show's 4.2 Nielsen rating, the highest of any NBC primetime show. There are indications the network plans to use this formula to hopefully boost ratings for some of its weaker shows.

Network sources report Chris Matthews, host of the ratings cellar-dwelling MSNBC program "Hard Ball" has been actively pursuing illicit encounters with his staff, but reportedly outside of some "unnatural contact" with an older male security guard, has been unsuccessful. Sources say Matthews has taken to "hanging out" at neighboring businesses in a desperate attempt to "make something happen."

An unidentified source at MSNBC's main studio in New York claims Keith Olbermann, host of "Countdown With Keith Olbermann," is also diligently seeking illicit encounters with his staff in an effort to raise his show's abysmal ratings.

Reportedly the star has (so far) "bumped uglies" with a developmentally-challenged mailroom clerk and most likely the studio's adopted mascot, "Fluffy," a longhair Tabby recently diagnosed with a suspicious STD. Unfortunately for MSNBC, the incidents have yet to generate an extortion attempt.

My comments: I think these two guy's best bet is to have an illicit affair with each other, then pay someone to blackmail them - I'll do it for $20 and a date with Fluffy.

Let's have some margaritas while we watch the TIVO of last night's Late Show!

MSNBC's Matthews, Olbermann, Fluffy

Obama Furious With General McChrystal

WASHINGTON (SR) - According to sources in the White House, President Obama was "absolutely livid" with General Stanley McChrystal's speech given in London last week.

In his speech the general, who heads the 68,000 US troops in Afghanistan as well as the 100,000 NATO forces, flatly rejected Vice President Biden's proposal to switch to a strategy more reliant on drone missile strikes and special forces operations using "killer clowns," calling the idea "unbelievably retarded," and referring to Biden as "a smirking pinhead who moves his lips when he reads."

McChrystal's comments are said to have infuriated President Obama, who has so far ignored the General's desperate pleas for additional troops in Afghanistan. When told of McChrystal's remarks, Obama reportedly kicked the First Dog and loudly raved about his dislike for the military in general, and McChrystal specifically, calling them "baby killers" and "dim-witted savages."

The next day Gen. McChrystal was summoned to an awkward 25-minute face-to-face meeting on board Air Force One on the tarmac in Copenhagen, where the President schooled him on advanced military tactics and strategic planning.

My comments: Just who does this general think he is, completely discounting this awesome plan from one of our country's most brilliant military minds, Joe Biden?

I don't know about you, but the thought of Slow Joe having even the slightest input into strategic planning makes me damned glad I'm not in the military. Let's have a margarita and try not to think about it!

 

 

President Obama schools Gen. McChrystal on military strategy

Israel Number One Threat

TEHRAN (SR) - Mohamed Mostafa ElBaradei, Director General of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), said Sunday that "Israel is the number one threat to Middle East" with its nuclear arms.

Speaking at a joint press conference with Iran's Atomic Energy Organization chief Ali Akbar Salehi in Tehran, ElBaradei said Arab countries in the Middle East are afraid of Israel's potential to inflict nuclear destruction.

"The fear is that the first time Iran or some other country accidentally uses a small nuclear weapon against Israel, the Jews will exercise their traditional lack of restraint and blow the holy crap out of everything - they live to kill peaceful Arabs."

ElBaradei will inspect a Tehran grocery store Monday as a result of the Obama administration's recent breakthrough in nuclear arms talks with Iran.

My comments: Of course he's right, the closer Iran comes to nuking Israel, the closer Israel comes to blowing up Iran and thousands of innocent, peaceful people who are just trying to purify the region. Israel MUST be forced to get rid of their nuclear weapons before someone gets hurt!

All this talk of nuclear annihilation makes me thirsty. Margarita anyone?

 

ElBaradei speaks with Iran's Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei

DEMOCRATS CLAIM OLYMPICS RACIST!

COPENHAGEN (SR) - Democrats are accusing the International Olympic Committee (IOC) of racism after the home town of the first mostly-black President was rejected to host the 2016 Olympics.

Citing the strong likelihood that Olympic athletes and spectators would be robbed/raped/beaten/murdered, Friday the committee elected to pass on Chicago.

The IOC statement outlining their decision said in part: "With the exception of abundant cheap crack and whores, we can find absolutely no redeeming qualities for the city of Chicago, and those things are not enough to offset the inevitable bloodbath of gang violence an international Olympic event would surely suffer there."

Reacting to the news, an emotionally distraught House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters, "The IOC did everything but don white sheets, rape the First Lady, and string her and the President up next to a huge flaming cross. It makes me sick to my stomach."

Former President Jimmy Carter called the snub "racism at its ugliest," and accused the IOC of secretly conspiring with Israeli government agents controlled by GOP strategists in the United States. "The filthy Jews are working with GOP Klan members to do whatever they can to make our mostly-black president look like a jackass," said Carter.

On a side note, there are reports that Obama confidant and supporter, Oprah Winfrey, who is with the President and First Lady in Copenhagen, choked on a chicken bone upon hearing the news. A White House source says that the entertainer accidentally "inhaled a drumstick" and was transported to a local hospital on a flatbed truck with Michelle Obama at her side. We are waiting for word on her condition.

My comments: Good God, is there no place on this earth where white racists aren't conspiring to make President Obama look like a retarded pinhead?

Won't you join me for some delicious margaritas and a prayer for Oprah's complete recovery?

 

Afghanistan Lobbies For Olympics

KABUL (SR) - Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai announced Wednesday that he has notified Olympic officials of his country's interest in hosting the 2016 games.

"When we assessed the situation, it was clear Kabul is much, much safer than Chicago," said President Karzai. "We have a few terrorists blowing up stuff, but nothing compared to the marauding hoards of gang-bangers, crack heads, whores, and ACORN workers infesting Chicago."

In his appeal to the Olympic Committee Karzai also pointed to Kabul's financial advantage in hosting the games, noting Chicago is presently over $300 million in debt while Kabul has a surplus of $623.88 in the city treasury. "We've got the cash to do it right and street gangs won't be bludgeoning athletes with railroad ties - Kabul is clearly superior on multiple fronts."

Some Democrats in the United States are objecting to Afghanistan's bid to host the games, claiming the move is a cheap stunt to get additional security into the besieged country before the ongoing war is totally lost to the Taliban, a charge Karzai has yet to deny.

My comments: This makes all kinds of sense, plus the fact Kabul is probably much cleaner than Chi-Town should make this decision an easy one.

Let's have a margarita and hope the Olympic committee puts the athlete's lives ahead of placating Barry and Michelle.