WASHINGTON DC (SR) - NBC has found illicit sexual misconduct and adultery is a winning formula for attracting viewers as evidenced by The Late Show's 4.2 Nielsen rating, the highest of any NBC primetime show. There are indications the network plans to use this formula to hopefully boost ratings for some of its weaker shows.
Network sources report Chris Matthews, host of the ratings cellar-dwelling MSNBC program "Hard Ball" has been actively pursuing illicit encounters with his staff, but reportedly outside of some "unnatural contact" with an older male security guard, has been unsuccessful. Sources say Matthews has taken to "hanging out" at neighboring businesses in a desperate attempt to "make something happen."
An unidentified source at MSNBC's main studio in New York claims Keith Olbermann, host of "Countdown With Keith Olbermann," is also diligently seeking illicit encounters with his staff in an effort to raise his show's abysmal ratings.
Reportedly the star has (so far) "bumped uglies" with a developmentally-challenged mailroom clerk and most likely the studio's adopted mascot, "Fluffy," a longhair Tabby recently diagnosed with a suspicious STD. Unfortunately for MSNBC, the incidents have yet to generate an extortion attempt.
My comments: I think these two guy's best bet is to have an illicit affair with each other, then pay someone to blackmail them - I'll do it for $20 and a date with Fluffy.
Let's have some margaritas while we watch the TIVO of last night's Late Show!
