August 25, 2006
Berkeley, California
I knew this week was going to suck when Scooter came by Monday morning wearing a ridiculous fake beard, nightshirt, weird little hat, carrying a Quran, and asking to be called "Kareem Bakr Gilad." Oh great, Scooter had become a Muslim! Evidently after doing a bunch of mushrooms with Pepe Saturday night, he'd had an epiphany that his life was meaningless - something frankly I would have to agree with. According to Scooter/Kareem, after Pepe left he was watching a CNN news story about the Middle East which showed Muslims whipping themselves bloody in a religious frenzy, and he knew then that Islam was the key to his fulfillment.
Scooter said that night he dreamt that a glowing figure resembling the genie in the movie "Aladdin" told him to turn away from the sins of this modern life. He instructed him to change his name, grow out his beard, avoid soap and perfumes, memorize the Quran, pray towards Mecca five times a day, and kill Jews. By Monday Kareem was doing all the above except he hadn't killed any Jews yet, but had successfully developed a strong dislike for Yiddish and those little caps. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!
Right in the middle of explaining to me why he had to wear the fake beard (he can't grow facial hair), Kareem's watch started beeping, he grabbed an old door mat out of his bag, and after carefully aligning it on the floor, fell on his knees and started rocking back and forth while wailing a tune and words that I later determined to be the Macarena. I'm no expert on Islam but I do know Muslims are supposed to pray toward Mecca, and when I asked him why he was praying toward Tokyo, he said he was just "going the other way around the world" which actually made sense to me. All in all, Kareem's worshiping was just bizarre, and his loud and frequent farting while doing so could only have lessened his effectiveness at communicating with any deity you'd really want to know.
Outside of his poor personal hygiene, moronic outfit, and referring to me as an infidel, I'm almost getting used to Scooter being a Muslim. Something I'm not getting used to are his new friends, though they did thankfully enlighten Scooter to the fact the name he chose means "Exalted Young Camel Hump." Anyway, a more surly group of young men I've never met, and their endless fascination with airplanes and virgins gives me the willies.
I sure hope this is just a phase Scooter's going through.